Thursday, March 25, 2010
I'm loving life right now! I'm the kind of person who gets totally kicked by the simplest of pleasures and gets totally upset by the smallest of disasters. But right now, I'm totally on top of the world. I'm truly happy. Some of the reasons are very personal, so I wouldn't disclose it. But here are the less personal ones. I may be a little mysterious here. But thats all I can reveal now...
One, I'm more sure of myself. I never thought this will happen to me. This doesn't mean that I won't be unsure tomorrow or the day after. But right now, I'm completely secure and totally @ peace. I think I even know .. hold ur breath... what I want in life. I have a vague idea atleast.
Two, I'm comfortable with myself. Now, I think its okay to be boring at times (which is like most of the time) and I don't have to try and entertain others all the time. I was always bogged down by the pressure to entertain. I lifted that pressure off me. Silence is no more awkward. I learnt that art of communicating through silence. I always loved the little details. Now I'm okay with saying whats just necessary. I don't really want to ruin what silence can achieve.
Three, I realised that people like me more than I thought they did. And does it feel good or wot? I have always thought I had major character flaws (I come across as intimidating, snobbish etc) on the exterior atleast, and it was difficult for people to see that I wasn't all bad. But looks like I was wrong.
Four, Friends have been really supportive and good. Some broken friendships which I thought can never be fixed have been fixed, some demanding friendships which I thought I can never let go has been left behind, made some deep friendships with genuine like-minded people, realised that some friends will always love me... It has been awesome!!!
Five, I'm not bored. Though I know to cook only a handful of things 'm pretty confident in the kitchen. I'm enjoying my piano classes and thats offering me enough entertainment. I discovered "Two and a half men" - a sitcom in Star World. I always knew it existed, but got to catch it only now and I'm thoroughly enjoying it.
Six, I'm praying more and feels it works. Those of u know me, know that I was an agnostic. But now I have changed and I'm not ashamed to admit it. I have always maintained that the moment I get an inner call, i will embrace it. But I will do it only in my own terms. No amount of forcing, cajoling or coaxing will work with me. And here, I got my inner call, though a faint one, and I'm opening myself to it. That doesn't mean that I don't have any doubts. I sure have them in plenty. That doesn't mean that I will accept and do everything people do. It just means that I have woken upto the possibility of a God. And it sure is very reassuring! :)
And thanks a lot to all u people who have stuck by me during tough times... yes, YOU, YOU and YOU.... You know who u are.... Thanks a lot... Love u all....