Sunday, August 2, 2009

A friend for each season and each reason

Friendship Day is here again. And for the last friendship day, I wrote a post on one of my fav sitcoms F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Since then I have been meaning to write a propah post on friends. And its been a year since that.. Sigh

So well.. I have seen friendships, made friendships, lost friendships, grown out of friendships, broken friendships..smthg or the other sure kept happening. Honestly, it was very late in life that I really felt the need to have friends. Maybe cuz I have a wonderful home and I was well taken care of. Maybe every whim of mine was satisfied without friends. Maybe I was a very secure person , loner probably (still I’m) and was happy with myself. Maybe I was too good for the others (What nerve to say that!) and din’t want to associate myself with them. Maybe they were too good for me and I din’t fit in. May be I din’t trust anyone enough. Maybe I was after all too insecure to let my guard down. Don’t get me wrong guys. I was always fond of people. I loved watching them, talking to them, hanging out with them, admired them, helped them and even loved them. But friendships? I’m not too sure. The concept was never in my mind. Somehow being liked was never one of my priorities in life. I was more keen on winning arguments than winning friends. And winning arguments mostly meant that losing a friend or making an enemy.

Alrite, so I really don’t know what I want to say. Am kinda digressing from the topic. But then who is a friend? Dictionaries probably give you a set of definitions. We have literary geniuses churning up their own versions. But who is really a friend? We all have our personal definitions. If you are being a friend to someone, does that make that person ur friend by default? If you consider someone as ur friend, does that mean that person is really ur friend? Is your friend the person you love the most (outside ur family ofcorz)? Or is your friend the person who loves you the most? Or do two friends always feel equal love for each other?

I have had different kinds of friends and seen different kinds of friendships. They connect and relate to each other on a different level. And sometimes you tend to take on the personality of your friend while you hang out with them. Is communication always necessary in friendships? Or can silence communicate a lot more than words at times? Sometimes you can talk a lot to a person, and yet not feel attached at all. Sometimes you can forge strong bonds even through silence. In some friendships, it is important to know all the details. In some others, you just know that whatever the detail, your friend will stand by you. Sometimes shared interests or shared sense of humour can bring people together. Laughter definitely decreases the distance between two people. But is that good enough? Or is it even necessary? You may actively talk about your pet subjects to someone cuz u know that your listener shares the interest and understands it. A connection is definitely made there. But is that connection good enough to make you care for that person? Does an intellectual connection always lead to an emotional connection.? You may share the same kind of sense of humour with someone and laugh out a lot in their company. But does that really suggest a strong friendship? Does having fun in each others company mean that they are great friends? Is that even an indicator of whether that person will stand by you during a rough patch. You may have activity partners. If you are the partying kind, you go out together for drinks. Are they friends? If you love golf, or shopping or movies, you always find someone with similar interests. Does that mean you are friends?

I feel that how much ever we don’t want to believe it, friendships are not permanent. In some rare cases, they are. But in most cases they are not. So we sure have a friend for every reason. School friends, college friends, friends from work, friends from flat – either we or they move away. Sometimes we keep in touch, sometimes we don’t. Sometimes we want to keep in touch, but cant. Sometimes we don’t want to keep in touch. We don’t think it is very necessary. We grow out of it. Parting with a friend can be painful. But growing out of a friendship can be painless, slow and smooth. We just don’t feel their need in our lives. We may or may not keep in touch. But more often than not, the intensity of our friendship reduces a lot over time. Atleast in most cases.

So we definitely have friends for every season. Do we have friends for every reason? Looks like we do. It mite be difficult to find all the qualities that we require in a friend in one individual. So when we want to be all goofy and dumb, we have a certain set of friends. You enjoy their company, have a good time, match wits , laugh at each other’s expense and laugh at each other’s jokes. Great fun. You will be instantly pepped up in their company. Sometimes you are so comfortable in someone’s company and can talk ceaselessly, but still not feel a thing. And there are friends you run to in times of trouble. You may not be expecting any help, but you just need a listener to vent out your frustrations. Somebody to talk to about whats bothering you, somebody who can comfort you and make you feel better. And most important, somebody you can trust with very personal information. This person may not always think like you, or has an answer to your worries, but may just let you know that he is there for you. A few consoling words, a ruffle on your hair or hug can do the trick for you. But when a more philosophical question stirs up your mind, you seek out an intellectual partner who talk the same language. There are friends who protect you, friends whom you protect, friends who make you laugh, friends who laugh at your jokes, friends who cry to you, friends you cry to , friends who cry for you, friends who talk to you when you just listen, friends you talk to while they just listen, friends in whose company you both speak with each not paying enough attention to what other is saying (yet have a good time),friends you share your deepest fears with, friends you talk about the dumbest thing you have done, friends in whose company you may not talk much, yet understand how you feel for each other.

So what do you think is a friendship? What kinda friends do you have and for what reasons?