On loving and hating Malayalam...

I grew up speaking Malayalam @ home. But the school where I studied insisted that we speak English. But who obeys school rules anyways? Besides there were so many in school who struggled with English that it was near to impossible or even outright impolite to try and converse in English with them. So we stuck to Malayalam. The speaking I mean. I was never taught to read or write malayalam @ school. And my parents din't insist either. Infact, my Dad was worried that too much exposure to Malayalam would ruin our English ( u know accent and all). But then each time me and my sister made a trip to my Dad's native place, we were made the butt of all jokes. We were given Malayalam books and were asked to read them or were given dictations to test our proficiency. Sometimes we were quizzed on our vocabulary and our ignorance were mocked at. Though we spoke Malayalam @ home, it was just the basic Malayalam. We rarely used extensive vocabulary. And at that point of time I started to despise Malayalam. Add to it the company of a bunch of people who thought low of Malayalam. Malayalam movies and Malayalam songs were a big No-No for them. And I was okay with that attitude as well.I din't love them either. I was completely captivated by the razmattaz of the Bollywood and their groovy moves. Malayalam movies lacked glamour and the actors sucked @ dancing. So I can't be blamed for disliking them, esply during those colourful teenage years.

And talking about the language... Though I spoke the language @ home, i wan't exactly comfortable with the language. I din't entirely think in my mother tongue. I din't always think in English too. I needed a mix of both to truly express myself. I needed Malayalam to crack a joke which can only be said in Malayalam. Translating it into any other language will end up killing it brutally. The joke I mean. But how can anyone express one's innermost feelings in Malayalam? U definitely needed English for that. You also needed English to touch upon more delicate subjects. How can u possibly say smthg as emotional as "I miss u" in Mal?It is going to be so corny. Or for that matter, smthg like "they are making out" in Malayalam? That is going to be ridiculous. For these reasons, I was in a way more comfortable with communicating in English. The language is more expressive and has a word for every action and emotion. Probably Malayalam has them too, but nobody knows them, atleast I don't. Or even the ones who know them don't seem to use them. It is all implied with unfinished sentences or silence.

Then life moved on. I met people who loved the language and sometimes not because they din't know English. Interactions with them made me more comfortable in Malayalam. I started watching movies that I once despised. I discovered the beauty of the language and its uniqueness through Srinivasan's ( his dialogues are still popular) movies and old malayalam songs. I never thought I would look up Malayalam song lyrics ( always the old ones, never the new) on the net. But these days I find myself doing that all the time. Recently an old favourite Keli Nalinam caught my attention and I fell in love with the song. The video is uploaded in u tube , I'm not able to add it here. Listening to this song reminded me of Neelathamara, a remake of another movie with the same title. I believe "Nalinam"( in Keli Nalinam) and Thamara( in Neelathamara) means the same - Lotus. But probably that is not why i was reminded of the movie. They both evoked the same feelings in me - a kinda wistful feeling. And Neelathamara is a movie set in a background which is not even remotely connected to my life. Yet, I could relate to every scene in that movie. Today, whenever I'm troubled, all I need to do is watch a Malayalam movie. The sense of comfort that it gives me is the same as getting home after a hectic day , sitting on my favourite chair and unwinding with a cup of coffee and foot massage! Bliss!

Letting Go....

In order to move on in life, we have to let go @ some point. And move on we have to. Cherished dreams, old habits, past relationships, friendships, emotional baggage and sometimes even the deeply held beliefs are all subject to it. As long as we hold on to smthg, we just cannot make space for anything new. And letting go really makes life so much easier. But the process can sometimes be painful. But I think it is definitely worth it. For eg : I decided to give myself a haircut and keep it short. Howmuchever I miss my long locks, this is so much easier. I'm planning to clean up the mess in my room and organize my wardrobe and throw away all the junk. I deleted all my messages ( I store them all and read them plenty of time) stored in my cell phone. I traded my old huge bag ( which carried a whole lotta stuff and I ended up with a terrible shoulder ache by carrying it around) for a small, comfy bag ( which just carries what I absolutely need) and life has become much easier. Made me wonder... If uncluttering a handbag has so many benefits what is stopping me from uncluttering my mind? I know that memories are a beautiful thing. And each time I revisit them I reach a comfortable place. Sometimes it does take me to an uncomfortable place. But there is always comfort in familiarity. But do I really need them forever? I think it is about time I unclutter my mind of all the happenings, non-happenings ( is there such a word?), conversations and confusions. I really need to let go ....

Awww! I Miss Chennai!

I was channel surfing and I stopped @ a Tamil song which had the super hot Vikram and the gorgeous Trisha. It was a famous song, though I can neither hum nor remember the lyrics. But then, I was suddenly reminded of my Chennai days. And what days were those? The hot and sultry days, the long walks with friends in the huge campus, that tall glass of chilled fruit juice from the 'OOtys' fruitshop ( and if we are a regular, we get an extra half glass absolutely free!), the 25 bucks Chicken Noodles from the fast food joint, checking out good looking guys, hordes of traditions that we followed in the college, the spicy mutton cutlet -hot hot and freshly made bread omlette - and mint chutney sandwich at the evening canteen, yelling out to friends who are in for a bath to fill up our buckets lest the water supply stops before we get in, gathering around the giant water drum on weekends to do laundry, the special 10pm tea break during examination days, the movie watching sessions where the tamils and the mals fought over the choice of the movie, rushing back to the hostel as the bell goes, watching the lovers completing their unfinished conversation or ending it in a bitter fight, laughing at the security lady chasing guys who hang around the girl's hostel, staying up late at night and revising the hostel song, the fake headaches and the fake stomach aches before the freshers auditions, worrying about ragging, waiting for the juniors to arrive, detailed analysis of who is going out with who, the anticipation of going home, the pure ecstasy of home-made pickles, fighting over the home-made pickles, fighting with the auto drivers and fruits vendors in half tamil, defending the juniors, waking up early morning for compulsory jogging prior to the Sports day, the divine momos made by the Tibetan friends, the post midnight midnight snack munching peppered with conversations! Sigh!!!! I miss it all :)

Whats your personality type???

I took the Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) Personality test and this is what I got.

I'm an INFP (Introvert, Intuitive, Feeler, Perceiver) personality type.

INFPs value inner harmony above all else. Sensitive, idealistic, and loyal, they have a strong sense of honor concerning their personal values and are often passionately committed to making sure their beliefs and actions are congruent. INFPs are also extremely perceptive about people. They value their uniqueness and typically seek unconventional ways of doing things. Sensitive and empathetic, INFPs tend to be exceptionally adept at reading between the lines. Although they demonstrate cool reserve on the outside, INFPs care deeply inside.

They are compassionate, sympathetic, understanding and very sensitive to the feelings of others. They avoid conflict and are not interested in impressing or dominating others unless their values are at stake. INFPs seldom express the intensity of their feelings and often appear reticent and calm. However, once they know you, they are enthusiastic and warm. Feeling truly understood and respected for their unique perspective and strong values is important for many INFPs.

Check your personality type HERE and let me know what it is..

Stolen Tag :P

I was an avid blogger once upon a time. By an avid blogger, I don't just mean someone who blogged regularly. But someone who devoured others' blogs as well. I read all my fav blogs religiously and commented on each one of them. My blogs were also read and commented on more frequently. It was fun cuz loads of friends were also blogging. It is always fun to read a blog when u know the blogger personally. But then, I took a year long break from blogging and things changed. Most of my blogger friends stopped blogging. The bloggers I didn't know forgot me. And even I din't really bother to say a hello to most of them. But I found this tag on Open book's blog and promptly took it up. I have done tags like this, but now m plain bored, so taking it up. And I guess I have evolved as a person. So it is not going to be the same.

1. I'm a person who is completely into the 'feel good' factor. I do things just to make myself feel good. ( who doesn't?). Right from my choice of movies (ofcorz the feel good variety which includes the chick flicks) and books (ezee-breezy reads) to eat out joints,( the fancier the better) or the decision to get a pedicure or a hair spa is all aimed at making myself feel good. They might appear futile, time consuming and extravagant to some. But if it makes me feel good, then it is good enough for me.

2. My laziness, procrastination, tendency to argue constantly, need to prove that I'm always right, impatience, restlessness, temper and mood swings are some of the traits I want to change. And I'm working towards it.

3. I love people. I love watching them, studying them, talking to them, talking about them. But I'm essentially a loner and there are very few things I love more than some quiet time with myself.

4. If there is a new movie released, I have to catch it immediately. If there is a new restaurant or boutique in town, I want to check it out soon. Else I think I'm missing something in life.

5. I'm very attached to my immediate family. And though it can be a lil mushy, I'm extremely grateful for it.

6. I think I'm way too empathetic. A friend has to just narrate a sad incident in his life and I will be worrying over it for the following days and my friend would have blissfully forgotten about it.

7. I have a mix of contradictions in life ( like most people I guess) - I can be brutally honest or boringly diplomatic, I'm a creature of habit but still hate routine, I will easily settle for the comfortable but get all excited about anything even remotely adventurous, I can be the loud , boisterous girl or the shy , quiet one, I can stay detached and aloof with people, I can also be passionate and attached so on...

Now I pass on the tags to...

1. Jungle Girl

2.Feminist

3. the flowing words

4. Destiny awaited

5. Mirror

6. Footlose

7. and YOU YOU YOU! Any one else who visits my blog, plss feel free to take up this tag and post a link in my comment box. And incase u are not a blogger, pls post the tag in the comment box. I would love to read them.

Just a random rant

It is past midnight and I'm up. I went to bed, couldn't sleep, so here I'm back staring at my comp. Feeling a bit down right now. I know I want to write smthg, but I can't find the right words.

Good night to me :)