You are loved anyways, woman!

If you are open, then u are easy to talk to

If you are not, then u are the mystery men love to unravel!

If you are bold, then you are appreciated and looked up to

If you are not, then u kick up protective instincts!

If you are funny, you make men laugh

If you are not, then you are the responsible home-maker material

If you are intelligent, then u make conversations interesting

If you are not , then you are the dumb girl men love to joke with!

If you remember to look into the little important things, then you are thoughtful

If you don't, you are just a lil child who is easily forgiven!

If you are giggly, then u are definitely how a girl ought to be

If you are not, then u have a purpose!

If you are loud, u make for boisterous company

If you are not, quieter moments are relished with u!

If you are aggressive, then you offer healthy competition

If you are not, then u are tender companion!

If you smile often, you bring sunshine

If you cry often, you will find fingers to wipe ur tears!

If u talk about ur insecurities, then you are affable

If u don't, then u are the strong woman!

If you know to take charge, u are to great to share burdens

If you cannot, you will be looked after!

If you are liberated, then you are exciting

If you are coy, then you are subtle and sweet!

If you are bratty, then u are the child upto some mischief

If you are giggly, u are the girl who lightens up

If you are tender, then u are the loving woman!

If you are naive, u are the child who needs guidance

If you are chatty, then u are the girl who has fun

If you are strong, then u are woman who can take care!

If you are insecure, u are the child who will be hugged

If you are freaky, then u are the girl who will be playfully teased

If you are loving, then u are the woman men want to live with!!!

However u are, there is beauty in u woman, u are special. Love being U!

Lead me

Lead me, don't rule me

Protect me, don't confine me

Hurt me, don't bleed me

Love me, don't smother me!!!

Prayers of Gratitude

I just finished reading Khaled Hosseini’s ‘A Thousand Splendid Suns’. It is a brilliant piece of fiction. A fiction which nevertheless took me into a real world. A world I’m not familiar with. But a world I knew existed. After reading the book, I can’t help but be grateful for all the things that I take for granted, the most important being FREEDOM. The lines that follow are my after thoughts…

I’m grateful that I have a loving, supportive family

I’m grateful that I can live my life on my own terms

I’m grateful that I can step outside my house without fear of being beaten up

I’m grateful that I don’t have to worry about my daily meals

I’m grateful that there is really no struggle involved

I’m grateful that I have an education

I’m grateful for the health I have

I’m grateful that I have intellect

I’m grateful that I have enough talent

I’m grateful that I have plenty of time to do all the nothing I want to do

I’m grateful for all the little things I forget to mention

I’m truly blessed, and I’m grateful for that!!!

On Being a Daddy’s girl

I’m a Daddy’s girl. Anyone who knows me well would know that about me. My classmates from school (whom I never kept in touch with after school, but later met thru Orkut) still remember that my Dad dropped me at school on his bike everyday. So he used to drop and pick me and my sis up, and later when we grew up to attend tuitions, he used to drop us and wait for 2 hours and pick us back. Now he din’t trust any auto guy to bring back his little girls safely. Neither did he trust us (actually he dint trust ME, my younger sis was way smarter, still is) board a bus and reach back safely. So he took upon himself to pick and drop us daily. When I was a little girl, he used to help me with my socks, tie/buckle my shoes ( I couldn’t do this on my own till much later), help me with my homework, simplified my math problems so that I just had to look thru it on the eve of my exam, ironed my school uniforms ( well.. I do iron his shirts now sometimes, but I still make him iron my clothes when I’m in a hurry. But now I mostly wear wrinkle-free clothes, so its okay) , sat up with me when I studied late, listened to all my rants and raves and pampered me silly. Well.. its another thing that I always thought that my sis is his favourite, he always disagrees. And most of our fights have been on this . But we fight no more on this. Or maybe a little lesser than before. Because my sis is such a darling ( despite the stubbornness that run in the family) that when pitted against me, even I would pick her!

The most important thing to me is that my Daddy is my trouble shooter. Whenever I’m shaken by fear or troubled with my problems, all I had to do was tell Dad. He would promise me that he would take care of it and my fears disappear. I have such immense faith in him that once the onus is on him, I can rest assured that everything will be taken care of. Whenever I’m in trouble, Dad is the first person I turn to. And there is no problem that he cannot solve. And people always thought I was independent, because they never saw me depending on any one else. Only I knew the truth. But the degree of my dependence on him dawned on me only when I moved away into a hostel in a new city. I used to put calls to him a number of times asking about everything mundane and inane. I used to cry non stop over the phone and he used to comfort me from the other end. I remember traveling alone one night ( and the train was horribly late and mostly empty cuz it was a special train) and the TTE of the train was annoying me. I couldn’t handle it alone obviously. So I dropped an sms to my Dad. And before I knew it, the train was stopped and the railway police was in the coach. How he managed to do it was beyond me. But then there are innumerable instances where he has been a saviour to me. So I often think whether I would be able to lead a life without him And I know someday it is going to happen. And I have died a hundred deaths thinking about it and shed copious mamopunt of tears after hitting the bed. That is what forced me to move in back home. People thought I was dumb. And I don’t argue. Even sometime back, when I go to bed and can’t sleep, I walk upto his room, wake him up and tell him I can’t sleep. It is a great relief just letting him know that I haven’t slept yet. Or when I can’t sleep because I’m over whelmed by this sorrow of losing him, I will go and wake him up and plant a kiss on his cheek. And I do that no more cuz I know it is cruel to wake him up from his sleep./ So I really don’t know how I’m going t o cope with a grief of not having him around more

My Dad actually made both of us- me and sis. Mom’s influence on our lives is quite zilch. He has imparted great values – on the importance of being honest and principled. He has never given us lectures, but always led us by examples. And we followed it. To this day, it is difficult lying to him. And I hardly do anything behind his back that he would frown upon on discovering, even when I’m sure he would never find out. If there are things about me that I don’t want him to know, I just say I can’t tell him and he wouldn’t ask.

My Dad always said things would change when I’m married and have kids of my own. He always thought that your parents are important to you only till the day u get married. He used to tell me that there is a difference in your relationship with your parents once you are married. And maybe he is right. My Grandad died a couple of years back. And all his children, including my mom cried for a day. And they were all okay he very next day. I was shocked beyond words. I wasn’t particularly close to my grand dad. But I felt bad for him that his children forgot him a day after he left this world. His children carried on with their business as usual, laughing and talking about clothes (my mom’s side discusses a lot about clothes and shopping). There was not even a mourning period. When I discussed this with my Dad, he told me this is what he has been talking about all the while. And I believed him. Someway, that assurance gave me some relief.

But then I read a blog. This blogger is married with two adorable kids and still has not really come into terms with losing her Dad. And I discussed this with many other married friends. They all said that they will be sad for a while, but would get over it soon. So I secretly hoped it will be the same for me. Preeti was just an exception maybe. And then I heard about another married friend’s father’s death and how she struggled to cope with it. So now I understand it is not about whether you are married or not, whether you have kids or not, It is about how much you love them. So probably those friends don’t love their parents the way I do. I don’t know who I will turn to, if not him. I don’t know how I will fill that vaccum. And I wanted to tell Dad. “ I have an amazing person as my Dad. He din’t probably have someone equally amazing as his Dad. THERE LIES THE REAL DIFFERENCE”!!!

Different Strokes...

Sometimes I believe in the grand illusion of life. I believe that I'm here for a reason. That I matter. My life is pre-destined, my destiny unchangeable. Some one has already etched out my role, I just have to play my part. I feel that the Universal forces are working in my favour, taking me closer to where I ought to be. There is apprehension cuz not everything is in my hands. But there is also consolation that everything will be taken care of. Just like a leaf sways with the wind, I will be guided and lead to my destination. There is a blessed assurance that I'm part of a plan.

Sometimes I feel that I'm on my own. What I do has no relevance in the larger scheme of things. What I do here matter only to me most of the time. I'm here only for a matter of 70-80 years. What happens to me is not a big deal. I'm after all, just a tiny speck in the Universe!!!

The Eternal Search...

Aren't we all lonely?? No parents, siblings, spouse, kids, friends can help us feel complete. Nothing can. Sometimes we believe that we ought to tap our creative energy to feel complete. An ambition fulfilled . Sometimes we believe that we need a soul mate to make us feel complete. Falling in love. Sometimes we believe it is truly spiritual. A connection with God. But nothing can make us feel complete. We are constantly searching for something to make us feel complete. Most of the time we don't know what is missing. The search is eternal.

Peace...

I have reached a place I have never been before, and it is blissful!

Hope and Happiness...

When you are uncertain about the truth, always believe the option that gives you more happiness.

Life....

Life has no short cuts, only smart choices!

People...

I wish I could pick my most favourite people from different phases of my life and place them all around me. I want to be with them all, ALL the time. Meeting up once in a while is just not nuff! :(

Words....

There are a million words locked inside, dying to get out... yet they remain there, succumbing to silence...

The not-so-rich me

I'm NOT rich, I just have expensive taste!!!

A friend for each season and each reason

Friendship Day is here again. And for the last friendship day, I wrote a post on one of my fav sitcoms F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Since then I have been meaning to write a propah post on friends. And its been a year since that.. Sigh…

So well.. I have seen friendships, made friendships, lost friendships, grown out of friendships, broken friendships..smthg or the other sure kept happening. Honestly, it was very late in life that I really felt the need to have friends. Maybe cuz I have a wonderful home and I was well taken care of. Maybe every whim of mine was satisfied without friends. Maybe I was a very secure person , loner probably (still I’m) and was happy with myself. Maybe I was too good for the others (What nerve to say that!) and din’t want to associate myself with them. Maybe they were too good for me and I din’t fit in. May be I din’t trust anyone enough. Maybe I was after all too insecure to let my guard down. Don’t get me wrong guys. I was always fond of people. I loved watching them, talking to them, hanging out with them, admired them, helped them and even loved them. But friendships? I’m not too sure. The concept was never in my mind. Somehow being liked was never one of my priorities in life. I was more keen on winning arguments than winning friends. And winning arguments mostly meant that losing a friend or making an enemy.

Alrite, so I really don’t know what I want to say. Am kinda digressing from the topic. But then who is a friend? Dictionaries probably give you a set of definitions. We have literary geniuses churning up their own versions. But who is really a friend? We all have our personal definitions. If you are being a friend to someone, does that make that person ur friend by default? If you consider someone as ur friend, does that mean that person is really ur friend? Is your friend the person you love the most (outside ur family ofcorz)? Or is your friend the person who loves you the most? Or do two friends always feel equal love for each other?

I have had different kinds of friends and seen different kinds of friendships. They connect and relate to each other on a different level. And sometimes you tend to take on the personality of your friend while you hang out with them. Is communication always necessary in friendships? Or can silence communicate a lot more than words at times? Sometimes you can talk a lot to a person, and yet not feel attached at all. Sometimes you can forge strong bonds even through silence. In some friendships, it is important to know all the details. In some others, you just know that whatever the detail, your friend will stand by you. Sometimes shared interests or shared sense of humour can bring people together. Laughter definitely decreases the distance between two people. But is that good enough? Or is it even necessary? You may actively talk about your pet subjects to someone cuz u know that your listener shares the interest and understands it. A connection is definitely made there. But is that connection good enough to make you care for that person? Does an intellectual connection always lead to an emotional connection.? You may share the same kind of sense of humour with someone and laugh out a lot in their company. But does that really suggest a strong friendship? Does having fun in each others company mean that they are great friends? Is that even an indicator of whether that person will stand by you during a rough patch. You may have activity partners. If you are the partying kind, you go out together for drinks. Are they friends? If you love golf, or shopping or movies, you always find someone with similar interests. Does that mean you are friends?

I feel that how much ever we don’t want to believe it, friendships are not permanent. In some rare cases, they are. But in most cases they are not. So we sure have a friend for every reason. School friends, college friends, friends from work, friends from flat – either we or they move away. Sometimes we keep in touch, sometimes we don’t. Sometimes we want to keep in touch, but cant. Sometimes we don’t want to keep in touch. We don’t think it is very necessary. We grow out of it. Parting with a friend can be painful. But growing out of a friendship can be painless, slow and smooth. We just don’t feel their need in our lives. We may or may not keep in touch. But more often than not, the intensity of our friendship reduces a lot over time. Atleast in most cases.

So we definitely have friends for every season. Do we have friends for every reason? Looks like we do. It mite be difficult to find all the qualities that we require in a friend in one individual. So when we want to be all goofy and dumb, we have a certain set of friends. You enjoy their company, have a good time, match wits , laugh at each other’s expense and laugh at each other’s jokes. Great fun. You will be instantly pepped up in their company. Sometimes you are so comfortable in someone’s company and can talk ceaselessly, but still not feel a thing. And there are friends you run to in times of trouble. You may not be expecting any help, but you just need a listener to vent out your frustrations. Somebody to talk to about whats bothering you, somebody who can comfort you and make you feel better. And most important, somebody you can trust with very personal information. This person may not always think like you, or has an answer to your worries, but may just let you know that he is there for you. A few consoling words, a ruffle on your hair or hug can do the trick for you. But when a more philosophical question stirs up your mind, you seek out an intellectual partner who talk the same language. There are friends who protect you, friends whom you protect, friends who make you laugh, friends who laugh at your jokes, friends who cry to you, friends you cry to , friends who cry for you, friends who talk to you when you just listen, friends you talk to while they just listen, friends in whose company you both speak with each not paying enough attention to what other is saying (yet have a good time),friends you share your deepest fears with, friends you talk about the dumbest thing you have done, friends in whose company you may not talk much, yet understand how you feel for each other.

So what do you think is a friendship? What kinda friends do you have and for what reasons?

Oh! My unborn Child!

Oh  my unborn child

What right do I have to let you be born,

Into a world of miseries,

Into a life of uncertainities???

 

You never know what is in store for u

Neither ‘m I too sure of ur future.

I hope to be with you in every step u take

But u n me know that I can’t be with you for long.

 

You don’t even have a choice,

To be born or not be born is not ur call,

I take that very important decision for you

Whether you love it or not,

Live you have to with it.

 

I can’t guarantee anything

Neither can I make promises,

You may have imperfections u detest

You may hate urself for the way your are

You can’t  chose your family

Neither can u chose the way u are

These are decisions I take.

 

So my unborn child

Do I really have the  right

to throw u into a life designed by me.

All you have to do is just live

Cuz the call has been mine!!!! 

 

I often wonder why people have kids? Before u raise your eyebrows, I would like to clarify that I absolutely adore kids. Though, I can be a lil biased and fall for the cute, chirpy kids, the truth is that I find almost all kids cute. I love their innocence and playfulness. I love baby-talking with them. And being the eldest grand child of the big family, I took it upon myself to look after all the kids. I was their unofficial caretaker. And I’m protective about strangers’ kids by default.  I keep a vigilant eye on kids who run around in restaurants or malls and keep a protective hand over their head when they are going to bang it onto something sharp. That said, I’m not excited at the prospect of having my own kids. Always beats me. What is it that inspire people to have kids. I would really like to know.

1. You believe in the cycle of life. Birth,  childhood, growing up, marriage, having kids  and death – u believe in this cycle and follow it unquestioningly. Nothing more, nothing less.
2. U have an intense longing to father or mother a child. You love to cradle a baby and enjoy the process of bringing him/her up or watch him/her grow.
3. Pressure from the family or society.
4. Don’t really know. Just going with the flow.
5. You are bored with ur current life/partner even though u love them. U think u need something more to make it more meaningful.
6. Any other reason.
7. Hope that the kids will take care of you when you are old.

 

I may sound crazy, and most people I talked to regarding this dismissed myself as being crazy. But the truth is that they don’tw ant to discuss or worse still, they don’t sometimes know. I would love it if you share your views on this. 

 

Life's Good!

I took a really long break from work. I had tonnes if things to do, but I squeezed in a family vacation. Went to Bangalore with my parents to attend my sister’s convocation at IIM. The students were all looking very smart and brimming with confidence ( as said by the the chief Guest Mukesh Ambani) in their black gowns. I was reminded of my own college convocation where we all donned golden yellow robes. The predicaments of studying in Chennai. Sigh!!! Anyhoo, as u can imagine, convocation was a boring and arduously long affair. Some of the speeches were painfully long. But I dint listen anyway. I just got up to watch my sis and few of her close friends receive their certificates. Missed most part of the speeches delivered by some Justice and then Mukesh Ambani. I thought Mukesh Ambani was wayyyy too simple than I imagined. Every one was impressed with his speech. I found nothing particularly impressive about his speech, atleast the parts that I managed to listen. And he did blame the current recession on ‘Greed without Fear’. I wondered whether he was the right person to talk about it. So though I was bored with the whole convo thing, I enjoyed being away from home, meeting some fresh faces and meeting some people I have met before and have caught up online later. And I was looking forward to the grand dinner at IIM. It ought to be grand, cuz it was IIM and it was their convo and all. But the dinner was a disappointment, except the yummy ice-cream and gulabjamun combo. So that din’t stop me from eating.

From Bangalore, we headed to Coorg. And I was a bit sad for my sis and myself. For my sis, cuz she was leaving a place she sooo loved and friends she is sooo close to. And for myself, I really don’t know. Just felt sad. This whole bye bye blues catches me totally unawares. So we headed to Coorg and the journey till Mysore was not vey smooth. We got into a non AC Sumo and was baked. That’s all we got, thanks to bad planning! From Mysore got into an AC Scorpio which was suchaaaa relief. But I was not too happy with the insufficient leg space, but we managed it alrite. Spend a night at Coorg and then headed to Wayanad. The holiday as such was amaaazing, though there was no posh stay and fine dining (two prerequisites for a good holiday in my opinion). But it was great to be with family. At home, each of us are caught up in our own world and doing our individual thing. So I think a change in scene is wonderful to bond. The light-hearted conversation, laughter, long drives, winding roads, misty mornings, fresh air ( it really does wonders), rolling down the windows and letting the wind blow on ur face, dreamily sitting in the car without a worry in the world, wild life sanctuaries, the elephant ride (finally managed to do it), the anticipation and fear of spotting wild animals while moving through the national park,, watching rabbits nibble on the leaves, climbing upto the tree house, clicking photographs, watching the Buddhist monks pray at the Tibetan monastery, home made chocolates, salted mango with chilly powder sprinkled all over, vinegar-ed pineapple, honey-ed amla – BLISS!

Now m back home, but my break is still on. I’m just getting wasted, but thoroughly enjoying it. Sleeping as much as I want ( but trying not to overdo it, cuz it is a habit hard to snap out of), reading, catching up on blogs, writing my own blog , planning to go out for shopping ( too lazy to get out) , planning to go out for movies (again too lazy to get out) and generally lazing around. And most important, not crying anymore. Looks like I have finally got the reigns of life. I’m glad, life is still good!!!!

Quick run up

 

I’m back and I hope to stay. Blogging is a great let out for me. It is amazing to connect with people, being heard, reading others’ responses to what you had to say and reading what  other people have to say. I did miss blogging. And though, I was not very active in the blogging scene, I did regularly read up most of your new posts. Sometimes on the same day, sometimes a little late. But read I did. Only thing  is that I din’t stop to comment most of the time. Anyhow, since I’m back again, I vow myself to be more true to myself. Most often, I end up writing things that I thought people would want to hear or just to create a certain impression about myself. Well, these impressions are not completely disconnected  from my personality, they are indeed a leaf out of my blog. But this time onwards, I will try and be moré open. I will try and be less of a mystery. Actually, a lot of people think I’m quite mysterious. And I guess they are justified in thinking so.

 

So, I have been busy on the professional front. Not tat I was over working. But I do have a job and that doesn’t leave me with much time to do anything else, say for example blogging. I know, I know,  a lot of people do it, but I just din’t take the time. Maybe cuz I do a writing job and too much of writing can drive me nuts. And on the personal front, I was going through a lean phase, and that left me with a  frame of mind  which din’t really let me write. I was completely distressed. I just headed from work to home and shut myself up in my room and cried. Never called anyone , hardly talked to friends, din’t bother  much about what I wore or how I looked, hardly went out or watched movies. I just sat in my room and sulked, cried, analyzed, over analyzed and cried again when I couldn’t find a solution. I was totally broken. And then I decided that I had enough of ruining my life. I realized no one can help me, but myself. So I decided to take a break and went on a family vacation. And honestly, it did wonders to me. I’m back, feeling all refreshed and I hope I can stay this positive and happy all the time.

 

PS : Sorry that I din;t take up the tags and dint even thank for the awards bestowed on me. Will be more prompt henceforth. But time just flew and I din’t even know.