Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Kidding myself!



How long could I be kidding myself??? I get myself into believing that it is all alright. But deep inside I know it is not. I'm the creator of my own myseries, they say. Little do they know what it is to feel miserable. Else they wouldn put the onus on me. It is like telling me that 'm cutting my flesh into lil pieces. Why would I ever do that??

Then I look around. I see the unfortunate and the underprivileged. And then I ask myself what right do I have to cry?? I'm blessed in so many ways. And all I think about is what is out of my reach. I forget to value everything that I have. So then again I kid myself. I tell myself I have everything I need. Or I need only what I have. Even when I know its not true.

Sometimes I wish I could be shallow. Bcuz the deeper you are, the deeper it hurts. And I have a bloody soul. It wudn rest with a false solace!!!

33 comments:

vEENs said...

You dnt have EVERYTHING you need....
but yu have enough to start noticing them.

and for things yu dnt have.. i guess.. u ve to accept it. and maybe for sme.. go get them..

dnt kid yurself..it needs yu to be yu!



I hope my comment is not bad kinds! i dnt wanna advice or anything.. i knw.. i have been there.. and thought n thought... and left it :(

Enigma said...

hummm..well everyone thinks this way...and then people tell u look at the more unfortunate and all...but looks like we all hav to keep ourselves more busy...

--xh-- said...

PB, it happens, man. no words of advice to give, no words of wisdom to sahre - but only a warm hug of understanding... mood off avathedo.. ellem nammude vazikku thanne varum.

Ps said...

Wonder what is it that you are hurtin so much abt...

Solitaire said...

Everyone feels that their pain is excruciating. So what if someone else is in pain? That does not lessen your pain, right?

Impressionist said...

Dang! I donno what to say here!
Seriously! :P

-I

Impressionist said...

What was it that u didnt understand!?
:D U donno what haikus are??

Impressionist said...

was not a problem lady!
anytime!
btw how come I dont see u on my other blog?

-I

Aaarti said...

Dont know whats causing you to hurt like this...
hugssss..[to help you tide over it]

Impressionist said...

hehe! :D Well, u will never know! :D
The world has a lot many jobless people other just the 2 of us! :P

and about the other blog!
Its nothing! absolutely! :P
and how come one can feel things even before doing/reading?
I thought feelings only arise after u watch or read something! :D

-I

Impressionist said...

and about that above comment!
*no pun intended*

-I

Impressionist said...

With a 1280*1024 resolution on my computer my blog fonts look very much big!!
I wonder why u cant read it! :P
U are known for making people change their templates and Im known for changing my templates very often!
Not a good combination i guess!
together we can be a disaster! to my blog and my readers! :D
good u hook up to the other blog! ;) hehe! :D

-I

Impressionist said...

and the next time u reply to the comment!
u can do it on my shoutbox on my other blog instead!

d SINNER!!! said...

take care...

Sweetstickychewy said...

Hello Pointblank.

Lovely photo. And also Thank you for stopping by at my blog.;)

Its really true that the deeper we look into things the deeper we hurt cause things get clearer. But sometimes overthinking things could cause little things that don't matter appear bigger and important. i do that many times and notice this.

I guess it takes time to recover. I believe all of us has a right to hurt and cry. We are only made human. And sometimes crying could be the best healing to start with.

*HUGZ* Pointblank. I hope you will feel better soon.

Lovezz..

accidental diva said...

now that was insightful...I always wish I was shallow..would have helped my cause of feeling sorry for myself a lot..but then life ain't that simple right:):)

accidental diva said...

oh ya..sending u a few hugs ..hopefully this makes u feel better.!!

Chriz said...

sadness or happiness.. it is our mind that allows these emotions in us.. a third element cannot have a control over our emotions unless we allow them to do so... good post.. keep up the great work..

Reign said...

We are wonderful souls on our own different ways.

Love yourself. Mistakes? It's always there for us to learn.

Nice one ;0)

~Blindreck~ said...

"the deeper you are the deeper it hurts" - how very true!

CM-Chap said...

Hi... Nice blog u hv... esply i liked ur "About Me" section

deeper you are, the deeper it hurts - Well said.

Gangsta Markiv said...

Oh! Sigh. Am going deeper underground - Jamiroquoi sang once. And you say the more deeper one goes the more deeper it hurts. Sigh !

But I think it is all the beginning effects of the new job thingy :-]

diyadear said...

"Sometimes I wish I could be shallow. Bcuz the deeper you are, the deeper it hurts. And I have a bloody soul. It wudn rest with a false solace!!!"

wow.. those are some strong words!!times can be tough dearie.. but take it light.. Don't brood over it whatever it is.. just let go and smile :)

Ria said...

A very profound blog entry.i know its true and i know it coz i hav thought of this many times and i do feel like its better to b shallow at times coz deeper u go the more it hurts!

Silvara said...

heya....

i always used to wonder why it hurt so much but u said it all - the deeper u are - the deeper u feel

Cockroach said...

Neetu,

There are lots of moods and moments around that teach u life. MOstly we r in our own created complex world missiing out the beauty of it.

Cockroach.

Btwn: Finally I have added my results to ur tagged Qns.

Keshi said...

beautiful beautiful post hun!

**Then I look around. I see the unfortunate and the underprivileged

I wrote along the same lines today WOW!

*HUGZ*

Keshi.

rOhit said...

You'll ought to remain in this scene *till* YOU want to. Remember, you feel what you WANT to feel. :)

Nothing changes till we "really" want it to, and do something for it.

Gangsta Markiv said...

u should write about ur new place, new job, new girls at work and how much you treasure knowing me etc etc .. leddat... it has beena while u wrote you know..

Gangsta Markiv said...

LOL - yea I was that anonymous you know who wrote that poem.. get outta my brain now.I thought no one would find that part.. grrrrrr

sansmerci said...

i give u two choices

1. Maybe u shud really try cuttin ur fleshes into pieces and start enjoyin the pain of it (now if u think thats crazy jump to point 2)

2. Absolutely nirvanic - no pain no pleasure no depth no desire no expressions no emotions (impossible?)

the easy way out is to write the 'deepest part of u' out and jus b another phony human with ppl (thats all they deserve).. and for ppl who don understd wat we write ... good for them.. mayb they r happy with their shallow lives feelin happy lookin at the underprivileged (or watever they wanna look at to make themselves happy)

Pointblank said...

@sansmerci,

You are soo right. now I really dont like the idea of cutting my flesh into lil pieces. but yeah, I think m going the nirvana way! I consciously make mysekf numb, so I dont feel the pain!

Shades of Grey said...

Pain is good Pointblank...and who's to say whether you're wallowing in self pity or not? You know what makes your misery more important than that of others? It's that they are YOUR miseries. Only YOU can feel this pain - only YOU can deal with it. You can let it fester into a pus-oozing wound, or you can try to let it heal with time. That's YOUR decision to make. It's all about YOU babe. Be selfish once in a while - think for yourself, about yourself. People never live for themselves - they live for others. They sacrifice way more than was expected from them, and with time they expect that kind of sacrifice from others. It never pays off most of the time and it's unfair to all parties concerned.

We will never have enough - we will always want more. That's what makes us humans different from the rest of the living species. If we were satisfied with our lot we would still be living in caves - like birds living in their nests. Don't feel guilty for being who you are. It's like living life with a gun to your head. Now who would know more about that than Pointblank eh?

Want more, need more, think more, love more, feel more...even eat more... :O)[and by default excercise more]. Never accept the status quo if it limits your existence...