Sunday, May 11, 2008

Devil’s Advocate - I




Big Boys Don’t Cry

After I typed it down, I realised it is soooo much like another blog i read.. views here are my own. But ideas are indeed inspired  b y and are refelcted on another blog.

I’m almost always the devil’s advocate. And most of the time I find myself rooting for the underdog. So what if I cheer for the hot favourite occasionally, I never leave behind my underdog. But then, this is really not about underdogs in the true sense of the word. This is about MEN!!!. Men never get credit in feminist circles, do they??? So though this takes to strangle the feminist in me, I would still give some credit to men.


Women (mostly the unmarried, childless kind) often discuss how “painful” a woman’s life is. We have to bear that excruciating pain of giving birth to a child. We don’t even have a choice here, do we? Epidurals or not, child birth is complicated. I’m sure women who have been through it will nod in agreement and the women who have not been thru it (and don’t really fancy the idea) will nod in horror. So its like saying that if the living world has to continue, the female of the species has to go through this pain. Its such a mammoth responsibility on our tender shoulders. It is just assumed that women have some inherent quality to grind their teeth through pain!. Wait till you catch me getting a waxing done. I shriek when they pull the strip out and stop short of swearing at the saloon ladies. I can’t exactly swear cuz what if they decide to get even and pour some really hot wax on my bare legs?? :O. Or catch me when I’m chumming and in pain, when am cranky and curse myself for being a woman : O…. Oops.. Sorry! I was supposed to be taking men’s side. I lost track and started cribbing bout my sad life.


So here is what I wanted to say. True, we have to bear a lotta pain. But women can also scream. We can cry!!! We don’t have to put up a brave face. We can jump to the roof when we see a lizard. A man would make a total moron out of himself if he as much as let out a squeal.


If the pain is emotional, we can call up friends and shed buckets of tears and feel light. In return, we get a lotta comforting and care, sympathy and bonding. We have understanding girl pals who will lets us vent and listen to our ravings and rants, while we binge on mood-lifting chocolate cakes. We can go on a shopping spree or atleast do window shopping if we are broke. We can pamper ourselves with a head massage and pedicure (even these two are painful though) and feel really good. A man who cries in public becomes a wuss. So what do they do?? Cut themselves off from fellow men, turn aloof and divert their attention into something. Or worse (yeah worse), joke about it over beer.


Well… I say worse because I have seen a male friend go through a really rough patch. Now since he couldn’t deal with his own emotions, he would trivialize his miseries and joke about it. I knew him well enough to realize that it was all a farce and he was hurting inside. But most people thought he was being insensitive and hurt him more!!! There was a lot of pressure on him to abstain from breaking down in public. But , women don’t have to bottle it all up or indulge in self depreciating humour. We can shed tears till we feel better and gear up for the next pain. There is nothing as cathartic as a good cry! Sigh!


The song currently playing in my head : Buffalo Sodier - Bob Marley.
PS : The song has no relevance to the topic discussed here. Just happened to be the song I'm humming now.

50 comments:

Sachin said...

how said Big boys don't cry !!!........haven't u seen shree-'ashant' crying on the TV ;-)......
hey u have raised a very good point........most guys(me too) consciously or unconsciously try to live up to the image of "Tough Guy"........i guess at times it is best to cry it out........and let it go......

Enigma said...

heheh..its part true..but looks like i have seen a lot of really really tough guys break down....well how long can they bottle it all up

Pointblank said...

@ Sachin,

I think Sree is a total smart ass. He is famous for his nataks,I hear.So lets not count him.


@enigma,
Girl, what did u do to all the tough men tat they broke into tears? U slapped them or just abused them?!?! Or for a more honest answer, shud I ask Dee?? LOL!

g-man said...

lets not generalise all of us now shall we? there are quite a few guys i know who just say and do what they feel like, and this includes crying, in public or otherwise.

on the other hand, its kinda true when it comes to me. i'm quite likely to give someone the finger and stalk off if they ask me 'what's bothering you?'

i guess though, a lot of people don't say it out because its kinda too painful to be talking about it as well as thinking about it. men do have this macho image and most of them would do anything to put it up, like putting up a wall around them, for example. woohoo, now i'm generalising too! damn, this is some contagious shit

IDriSh LAxmIdHAR said...

hey a lovely post, never gave a thought about how man feel...!! i guess opposite gender underatand what other's face!!!
i had mentioned in a post in my blog about how women are better..

and after reading ur post, i realized that even man are better..and mind you man always prefer not to cry in public cos its really about EGO..he he...!!!

"men will be men"

marvin the paranoid android said...

interesting point of view...

but sometimes all this bottling up of emotions makes an unhealthy concoction which can have a lasting effect on relationships and worse, on lives...
so i guess we men would be better off pouring it all out somewhere...

Beauty and the BEast said...

I am one of those of few who would wriggle my nose at a guy, if he had to burst into tears.
And it is NOT because I think they are not entitled to their moments of weakness. Of course they are! It just does not mean they can steal our right to be watering pots!:p

Suma said...

ever since our heroes have started shedding tears onscreen along with their shirts, men crying is suddenly not so bad :)

on a serious note, i think we women have it easy cos we have this need to emote, we need to get it out of our system...but guys...*rolling my eyes...

vEENs said...

the bit abt ..drinks... reminded me.. of smething that happened to me. too! only that now i get the clear picture.

but yu knw sme peopl e...drink and then abuse :-/


but the point is... women hve it easy on the emoting front... glad i m ... or i wud have a very bad time.
:)

i guess... it is this that looks appealing to me :D that they are so head-strong.. and ctrl there emotions...rather than letting it all go..floW! i wish, i cud!

Gayatri said...

actually this acting macho part doesn't apply just to men.. it also hold true for women who're, well different..

this is for people who like to appear strong but are babies.. and that doesn't quite need to be a bad thing

Abraham Menacherry said...

"Its such a mammoth responsibility on our tender shoulders"...ahem! you meant "hips"??...:D

Thought provoking post.. "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" is all I can say!

sansmerci said...

i think my kinda guy wud b man enuff to say that hes hurting or hes scared of something... dont get me wrong, i am not into wusses!

but who told u gals r allowed to cry wen they want to .. most guys i kno hate it wen gals cry.. n totaly invalidate our feelings but yea i dono much about the call a galfriend n cry part...

so i think it balances !

~Blindreck~ said...

i guess that's the way our lives are meant to be... women and men the way they are - cry, emote, crib, or jus smile - that's the way it is n i guess that's the best way to tackle them.

Red Phoenix said...

Dads dont cry and Moms should cry - and we learn from them... But the current world is changing. Woman also share a similar bottling style... My sincere wishes that u don't end up in such a situation in ur life.. It's horrible...

Shruti said...

poor men.. for all the things they are not *supposed* to do!

C. Marie Byars said...

Very interesting thoughts here. I had my 2nd baby without an epidural--he came too fast. In the middle of a strong contraction, they did an internal exam to check dilation. I asked for my husband's hand to hold it---instead, I bit his arm!! (Luckily he had on a loose long-sleeved shirt.) He looked at me like I was a wild animal! Well, I sometimes hold back crying at times other girls would--comes from having 4 older brothers who were more merciless than pampering!

Sam said...

I think we are beyond those times where men refrained from showing their emotins.. now its the age of the crying actors who are considered more honest and genuine because they don't fear showing their true feelings!!
Right or am I missing something??

Zee said...

:( ur poor friend...hope he feels better soon........

but i kind of don't agree...a lot of girls too keep things bottled up and a lot of men too let things out...it's a personality thing..

Candid Confessions said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Candid Confessions said...

Yeah true! Poor souls, they have to really try hard to hide their emotions. Kudos to them!

CM-Chap said...

Very true.... But I guess these days slightly its changing.

But controling ur emotions, just adds to ur sress level

Tys on Ice said...

ah...atlast someone noticed!

i think men shud be men...i wudnt go crying on the shoulders of my male friends if iam having a problem and I definetly wud not know wht to do if they did the same..

I cry in movies...probably becoz i think noone can see me...but i wudnt cry for probably anything else..i probably wud get angry...but we men do find our outlets...its my theory that men shud have a wall to punch...

Akshay said...

Seriously...all I think about when we talk about "boys don't cry" stuff is Sreesanth ......I almost feel so sorry for him...but I cant stop laughing!!! It sucks to be slapped..... specially when that goes on Camera.....

This is an Interesting post!!

Solitaire said...

How insightful! You actually put forth something that we all know but never give a second thought to. Now I pity them. Wait..this is only going to last a second.

Nayantara said...

Interesting observations! =D
I always thought feminists were sadists who sought sympathy and attention! =P
As an afterthought, I think men can categorize crying under 'metro sexuality' and go ahead! =P
Nice blog! =)

d SINNER!!! said...

very nicely done..

and i agree!!!

Keshi said...

Big boys DO cry hunny :) deep down they too are human.

I say if a guy cant cry, hv never cried, refuse to cry..then he's an insensitive fucker. Leave him. LOL!

*HUGZ*

Keshi.

Gangsta Markiv said...

It actually depends on this you know. Women, not to generalize, relieve themselves by having emotions expressed needlessly. Not to say all men control it but they have a measure of it. So when you a women cries when she is happy and sad it just does not differentiate much rather it is a pain controlling.

But I agree with what you said. Emotional quotient is defined differently in everyone and particularly distinct between men and women .

Jerusha said...

I know some men who cry more than they should, and I know some women who can never cry, fortunately I am not one of them, 'fortunately' because I totally agree with you, a good cry always helps so much!

Adi Crazy said...

Wow. This is a truely great post. I never thought about feelings boys have anyway. No wonder I'm single!!! (sigh) But these days I see many women also with the 'macho' mask and they end up in depression due to bottled feelings. Wonder if this applies to guys as well...? The best thing probably is to let go. :)

Everyman said...

We dont always just joke about it over beer!! Havent u seen all those movies where the man sits in a moody corner of the bar nursing his drink and heading home drunk?! And hey, a bottle of beer is pretty good company :-D

Frankly though..guys do cry..but they dont do it in public :-)

Everyman said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Everyman said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
prachetash said...

Hey!! Came here while wandering thru the blog track... and was suprised to bump into such a nice blog... very nice post...

partially true... but I also feel, men and women are two different species, and they have their own way of handling things!! I guess, laughing about it over a beer, is not so much a facade, always... someties it helps!!

Enigma said...

heheh..well ya u should ask dee coz i become a totaly unberable bitch with him at times and hav broken him into tears...

sagar said...

Good post.
Men do cry ,but CRY is not in form of tears always.

D said...

Boys don't cry, but the ones who do are the real men!

Arunima said...

that is really true but men are also opening up. They have learnt that it is ok to cry though they don't do it like us, calling up friends and crying to our hearts content.

Nice post!

BIG Omi said...

Heya,
Ahan good post..
Hows ur friend doing now..
Sometimes its better if Guys show tears.. too much of suppresing may take a toll on mindset..

Nice Post..
True and amazing..
Tc.
Omi

priyaa iyer said...

Men don't cry..

If they cry it can definitely change the mind of the opposite easily...

They know when to cry...

priyaa iyer said...

Nice post

Macabreday said...

most men cry, though rarely would most of them admit to it, since crying is viewed as feminine and as a sign of weakness.

Vinod R Iyer said...

:(( :(( :(( ....

Feels good to hear those words from a girls keyboard :P :)

Cockroach said...

HellooO...

Nice debatable subject. Men are men and women r women.

Now I remember something told by a teacher years back, when I was in 8th. At home if the father dies, the home will get back to normal shape in two three days time. But if it is the mother who dies, things would never get back to shape. The difference is that woman knows to shed tears.

Cockroach

a new philosopher is born said...

interesting post....and oft debated....
as far as i have seen in life, both men and women cry.....but its just that men have less moments of emotional turbidity in their life.
i have seen girls cry at the drop of a hat - less marks in exam, pimple in the face, no new slippers, no new handbag, a more beautiful girl around their boyfriend, and so on....for a guy, these are really less important things....
and even in the case of emotional issues i have seen men rarely cry...because again - realistically there is hardly we can do anything abt death...but issues such as girlfriend, or loss of job, or failure, where we have our hand, and shows our failure, we goo seekining support and often cry....
dont know if i make sense....

MAN IN PAINTING said...

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do visit.

Shades of Grey said...

I just wish men would cry more - read some where that they are more prone to heart attacks than women because they don't give their emotions any release. Damn freaky! Which is why if you're gonna drive a man crazy you might as well bring him to tears - you only do so because you love him. :O)

Aaarti said...

Nice topic.. saw the post earlier, but just managed to read thru it...

:) for me, if a guy can cry, or feel, he is sweet n compassionate... sometimes guys who dont are also that, but guys who do are more expressive.. as long as they dont bcom like bruce willis in FRIENDS(where he doesnt stop crying..when dating jennifer aniston...):)

Prats said...

After Sreesanth has melted his heart out! SRK and also the rest of the hero gang doing their bit, I think its high time the 'most oft qouted line' should be given the boot.

Arvind said...

How nice of u to touch such a delicate topic.
Men do cry, they just r too egoistic to let the world know about it.
Crying is nature's gifted stressbuster.