Kidding myself!

How long could I be kidding myself??? I get myself into believing that it is all alright. But deep inside I know it is not. I'm the creator of my own myseries, they say. Little do they know what it is to feel miserable. Else they wouldn put the onus on me. It is like telling me that 'm cutting my flesh into lil pieces. Why would I ever do that??

Then I look around. I see the unfortunate and the underprivileged. And then I ask myself what right do I have to cry?? I'm blessed in so many ways. And all I think about is what is out of my reach. I forget to value everything that I have. So then again I kid myself. I tell myself I have everything I need. Or I need only what I have. Even when I know its not true.

Sometimes I wish I could be shallow. Bcuz the deeper you are, the deeper it hurts. And I have a bloody soul. It wudn rest with a false solace!!!

Let me be me

The wound just wouldn't heal
and the stubborn pain refuses to leave
its pierced me deep, tugging at my flesh
but m holding it close, for a false solace.


My eyes are dry
my head is dizzy
and I 've put on a fake smile


I've no sunshine here
no cheer to spread
I sell no dreams of vibrant hues
Would u still want me to stay?


I'm tired of this facade
Can I tear away this mask?
for its hurting me


Can I shed a tear?
for I cant hold it back any longer


Can I not smile
for my lips are sucked dry


Can I be me?
For once, will u pls let me be me????

Not tagged, yet a tag!

Well… Nobody tagged me this time. I took it up shamelessly from Mac’s. Anyways he was generous and said anyone can. And I sooo loved this one. So here it goes :-

I realized that things have changed, so I have a fresh set of things to tell people. So here is the edited version.

Ten things I wish I could say to people right now

1. I miss u, sometimes terribly too!

2. I'm sad that I messed things up. I should have been smarter.

3. Hey woman! I hate u cuz I know u are not as nice as u pretend to be. I also know that u are cheating at least one person. I'm also sure that you don't deserve what u are getting. I wish u rot in hell. No wait, I can't wait that long. I wish u rot in earth itself.

4. Hey woman! are u playing with people's hearts? Pls don't. You are a nice person, but u din't always do the nicest things.

5. I like u a lot. But u gossip too much. And I do think jealousy is one of ur negative traits.

6. I have a really good time with u, still I don't like u as much as I'm supposed to like u.

7. I like u a lot. But I just don't like that you are being so biased.

8. Every time I'm down, it helps a lot when I talk to u.

9. I wish I knew u better.

10. We are very different, still u are awesome!

Nine things about myself.

1. I’m impressed by chivalry. Yet it embarrasses me. And I wonder if it’s for real.
2. I cry very often (but never in public) sometimes I cry late into the night worrying bout losing people I love.

3. I keep my word. And go great lengths to ensure it.
4. I can adore someone as much as I despise them.
5. I’m an absolute absent minded freak.
6. I don’t trust anyone easily.
7. But you can trust me. Confide, and ur secret is safe with me.
8. Get into my bad books and you run the risk of being there. Forever.
9. It’s extremely difficult for me to say Goodbye. Sometimes I avoid meeting people cuz I cant face the good bye part.


Eight ways to win my heart.
1. Talk well, write well, dress well, look good. – Yeah superficial I know. But first impression??

2. Make me laugh. And laugh with me. Match my wits. And win me over.

3. Confide in me

4. Have a deep conversation with me / Inspire me.

5. Be modest and honest. Tell me the truth. Even when it hurts. But learn the art of diplomacy.

6. Share my interests/traits. Even the not so great ones.

7. Be unconventional.

8. Tell me all the dumb things u have done. Makes me feel better. And I’l think you’re cute.


Seven things that cross my mind a lot –
1. My parents health.
2. My future.
3. Death/ life’s mysteries/ God/ religion
4. I wish I was a man!!
5. Pls own up when you are wrong. I appreciate it. And even though its difficult to forgive, I’l try.
6. Ask a lotta questions ONLY if I like u. Else u repel me.
7. Ask me politely. U will get almost anything. Order me around. Sorry, u lost ur chance!

Six things I wish I never did.
Hmmm… I don’t regret anything that I have done. Regret not doing certain things though.


Five turn off's

1. Control freaks
2. chauvinists/lechers
3. being curt
4. being selfish.
5. atrocious sense of dressing / make up

Four turn on's.

1. A sense of humour
2. Gentleness
3. beauty
4. intensity – whatever that means ;)

Three things I want to do before I die.

1. Spend more time with people I love.
2. Chase my dreams.
3. Be the first one to die. I cant watch my loved ones die. Neither can I live without them.

Two smileys that describe me
;)
:o

One confession.
At every point in time, I wish I was someone else, living elsewhere.