A lot has happened since I last updated the blog.... and I have lots to write... so I am condensing them into bullet points...
- For some unknown reason, I don't feel the urge to write anymore. It could be because I have been doing a lit bit of writing for a living, so I don't find the same enthusiasm to write on my blog. And even on days I feel like writing here, I don't indulge myself much. It could be cuz I normally turn to my blog to channelise my negative emotions, and I don't want to share much on what put me in negative frame of my mind recently. Also,a lot of my blogger friends stopped updating their blogs, so I lost interest in blogging. I used to completely devour their blogs. And lastly, since I was irregular with my updates, I lost most of my readers. Sigh...
- The big change that happened in my life is that, I got married. I never thought I would. Not cuz I don't like men. I do like men and I have fallen in love before as well. Not cuz I was unromantic. Iam a die-hard , corny, mushy, romantic types at heart. Not cuz I was strong enough to live alone and didn't want anyone in my life. I am very much a sensitive, scared person who loves being taken care of. But cuz, I knew that marriage would change my life. And I loved my life too much to let it go. I loved the abundant freedom I enjoyed and took for granted. I loved the cozy-comfortable life I lead. I loved the pleasant boredom that has sooo become a part of my life. I loved the lack of responsibilities I had in my life. I always asked myself, "why would I willingly give all this up in my life?" I never found an answer to this qstn. I believed in love. I believed in sincere relationships. But I never really fancied the institution of marriage. And I don't say this in a "I'm a hippy, so I don't get married" sort of a way. But I never fancied marriage, cuz it comes as a package with lot of things that I don't like. The "relationship" between a man and a woman might be the core or foundation of a marriage, but a lot of other things are thrown into the mix. But I did get married. I fell in love with a wonderful man, and I wanted him to be in my life always. And I realized that the only way to have him in my life is to marry him. If he had given me a choice where I didn't have to marry him, but I could still have him in life, (like just be in a life-long relationship, it need not even be live-in), I would have opted for that. But he didn't give me that choice. So I took the plunge. But now Iam happy being his wife.
- A year later, my sis got married. We are Malayali Catholic Christians and she married a Hyderabadi Brahmin. Iam really happy that she married the love of her life. And he is an adorable guy. More than anything, I know that he loves her to bits. And offers her a great support system. But even then, I was worried that I will lose her during this transition. I would have felt the same if she married someone from our own community.But I felt it more now cuz the acceptance levels always vary when you are with a completely different clan. I worried if she would be isolated in a new family, amidst people who speak an unknown language, and follow a million traditions alien to her. I wondered if her husband's family would ever accept ours. I wondered if they would let her interact with us as much, cuz u know , among Indians, brahmins are considered the elite class. And I worried that by their standards, we are not that elite.And to add to it all, I had to fall terribly sick on her wedding day. Even though I always looked up to my sister, I felt a new-found respect for her when I saw her determination on her wedding day. Despite all the difficulties and 'strangeness', she did all that she was asked to do; tirelessly in a wedding ceremony that lasted 36 hours straight. She did all the fasting that she was required to do (even though no body would have found out), she took bath in cold water at odd hours like 12 midnight and 4am (and as far as I can remember, she takes bath only in warm water, and this is mostly cuz of health reasons), she switched into around eight saris during the ceremony, she stood in front of the fire and smoke for long hours, even though she suffers from severe wheezing. And she did all that willingly, and without uttering a single word of complaint. That is when I realized the strength of her love.
To be continued....
