Sunday, May 11, 2008

Devil’s Advocate - I




Big Boys Don’t Cry

After I typed it down, I realised it is soooo much like another blog i read.. views here are my own. But ideas are indeed inspired  b y and are refelcted on another blog.

I’m almost always the devil’s advocate. And most of the time I find myself rooting for the underdog. So what if I cheer for the hot favourite occasionally, I never leave behind my underdog. But then, this is really not about underdogs in the true sense of the word. This is about MEN!!!. Men never get credit in feminist circles, do they??? So though this takes to strangle the feminist in me, I would still give some credit to men.


Women (mostly the unmarried, childless kind) often discuss how “painful” a woman’s life is. We have to bear that excruciating pain of giving birth to a child. We don’t even have a choice here, do we? Epidurals or not, child birth is complicated. I’m sure women who have been through it will nod in agreement and the women who have not been thru it (and don’t really fancy the idea) will nod in horror. So its like saying that if the living world has to continue, the female of the species has to go through this pain. Its such a mammoth responsibility on our tender shoulders. It is just assumed that women have some inherent quality to grind their teeth through pain!. Wait till you catch me getting a waxing done. I shriek when they pull the strip out and stop short of swearing at the saloon ladies. I can’t exactly swear cuz what if they decide to get even and pour some really hot wax on my bare legs?? :O. Or catch me when I’m chumming and in pain, when am cranky and curse myself for being a woman : O…. Oops.. Sorry! I was supposed to be taking men’s side. I lost track and started cribbing bout my sad life.


So here is what I wanted to say. True, we have to bear a lotta pain. But women can also scream. We can cry!!! We don’t have to put up a brave face. We can jump to the roof when we see a lizard. A man would make a total moron out of himself if he as much as let out a squeal.


If the pain is emotional, we can call up friends and shed buckets of tears and feel light. In return, we get a lotta comforting and care, sympathy and bonding. We have understanding girl pals who will lets us vent and listen to our ravings and rants, while we binge on mood-lifting chocolate cakes. We can go on a shopping spree or atleast do window shopping if we are broke. We can pamper ourselves with a head massage and pedicure (even these two are painful though) and feel really good. A man who cries in public becomes a wuss. So what do they do?? Cut themselves off from fellow men, turn aloof and divert their attention into something. Or worse (yeah worse), joke about it over beer.


Well… I say worse because I have seen a male friend go through a really rough patch. Now since he couldn’t deal with his own emotions, he would trivialize his miseries and joke about it. I knew him well enough to realize that it was all a farce and he was hurting inside. But most people thought he was being insensitive and hurt him more!!! There was a lot of pressure on him to abstain from breaking down in public. But , women don’t have to bottle it all up or indulge in self depreciating humour. We can shed tears till we feel better and gear up for the next pain. There is nothing as cathartic as a good cry! Sigh!


The song currently playing in my head : Buffalo Sodier - Bob Marley.
PS : The song has no relevance to the topic discussed here. Just happened to be the song I'm humming now.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Have you ever surprised yourself?



We often believe that we know ourselves best. We even pride on the fact that we are complete masters of our mind. And our actions. But there are times when you surprise yourself. -Crying at the most inappropriate place for crazy reasons even when you have fought back tears during worse adversaries, laughing at the crappiest of jokes despite being fully aware of its crappiness, had feelings for the kinda people you never thought you would fall for, suffered silently through gross injustice even when you are a fighter, made friends with the most unlikely people, had lengthy conversation with people you can never relate to, loved the corniest of songs that you are ashamed of admitting, found the gawkiest of people attractive, stood up for the ones who never meant anything to you.

Has any of this ever happened to you?

Trust doesn’t come easy to me. But then, I surprised myself and trusted someone soon. But the person turns around and backstabs me. So I decide to give her the silent treatment. Now that is something I’m so good at. But then I surprise myself AGAIN and talk to her!!! And I still haven’t forgiven myself for doing this!

So how have you surprised urself??

Monday, April 14, 2008

Coffee, Conversation and others….



Its back to the grind again! After a long break, m back to the corporate world. And that explains my absence from blogsville! And how much ever earning for yourself feels good, I really miss that blissful state of joblessness! Sigh…I can no longer stay up late into the night doing.. well…almost nothing. I cant sleep late into the mornings. I have a schedule to stick to and life is mechanical once again. I hate not being in control of my life anymore. If there is anything that I badly want, it is to follow my whims and fancies at every turn and never be told what is to be done. So being on my own, not having to follow rules made me a lazy bum. Now I’m battling to snap outta it. Now my eyes have a mind of their own. And to keep them from falling shut, I ‘m consuming excessive coffee! It indeed is a stimulant. And then while I sip on my coffee, I think of 25 years of work life that’s stretching ahead me!!! Life has just begun and I have to work for another 25 years NON STOP! Sigh….. And I realized another thing. Since I write the whole day at work, I’m no more motivated to blog. I never knew this would happen to me. Now that explains the crappiness of this post. Yeah, yeah! I blame it all on work stress! (Chuckle)


A typical mid -20 female conversation 

This is an online conversation I had with my friend P some time back. Thot I should put it down here.

P – guess wot! I'm turning 27 in two days!!!
Me – age is just a number girl
P – Yeah, U say that cuz ur only 24! Lets wait till u turn 27!
Me- well… not really… 24 or 27, u have earned that many years of ur life. So u gotta be proud of it.
P – Proud?!?!? ! U miss out on the babe factor.
Me – Oh! No! Ur the ultimate babe! 20 or 30!
P – Well…J thinks so atleast
Me – J is crazy
P – That he is...
Me - Lol..
P - But then he says according to his company’s marketing surveys youth wud mean upto 25!
Me – tell his company to go to hell. So by his own company’s standards he is old eh?
P – Yeah, he admits he is old...Damn! I feel so old. Suddenly I feel jealous of u!
Me- Well.. in three years I will be there too
P – and in three years I will be 30. THIRTY!!!
Me- hmmm…
P- I already started checking out anti-ageing creams
Me – Oh C’mon!!! What u talking bout??
P- Yeah, they say it’s a downhill from 25. Your ageing process begins at 25!
Me- Did J say this too to freak u out?
P – No di... I read it somewhere.
Me – Yeah!!! Ur rite… tat rings a bell somewhere! Tatz terrible!!!
P – Yeah! Tatz exactly what I was telling u!
Me -hmmm..Whoever said age is a number probably died young. That jack ass doesn’t know what growing old feels like! Whew!!!
P – LOL!

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Kidding myself!



How long could I be kidding myself??? I get myself into believing that it is all alright. But deep inside I know it is not. I'm the creator of my own myseries, they say. Little do they know what it is to feel miserable. Else they wouldn put the onus on me. It is like telling me that 'm cutting my flesh into lil pieces. Why would I ever do that??

Then I look around. I see the unfortunate and the underprivileged. And then I ask myself what right do I have to cry?? I'm blessed in so many ways. And all I think about is what is out of my reach. I forget to value everything that I have. So then again I kid myself. I tell myself I have everything I need. Or I need only what I have. Even when I know its not true.

Sometimes I wish I could be shallow. Bcuz the deeper you are, the deeper it hurts. And I have a bloody soul. It wudn rest with a false solace!!!

Monday, March 10, 2008

Let me be me



The wound just wouldn't heal
and the stubborn pain refuses to leave
its pierced me deep, tugging at my flesh
but m holding it close, for a false solace.


My eyes are dry
my head is dizzy
and I 've put on a fake smile


I've no sunshine here
no cheer to spread
I sell no dreams of vibrant hues
Would u still want me to stay?


I'm tired of this facade
Can I tear away this mask?
for its hurting me


Can I shed a tear?
for I cant hold it back any longer


Can I not smile
for my lips are sucked dry


Can I be me?
For once, will u pls let me be me????

Friday, March 7, 2008

Not tagged, yet a tag!




Well… Nobody tagged me this time. I took it up shamelessly from Mac’s. Anyways he was generous and said anyone can. And I sooo loved this one. So here it goes :-

I realized that things have changed, so I have a fresh set of things to tell people. So here is the edited version.


Ten things I wish I could say to people right now

1. I miss u, sometimes terribly too!

2. I'm sad that I messed things up. I should have been smarter.

3. Hey woman! I hate u cuz I know u are not as nice as u pretend to be. I also know that u are cheating at least one person. I'm also sure that you don't deserve what u are getting. I wish u rot in hell. No wait, I can't wait that long. I wish u rot in earth itself.

4. Hey woman! are u playing with people's hearts? Pls don't. You are a nice person, but u din't always do the nicest things.

5. I like u a lot. But u gossip too much. And I do think jealousy is one of ur negative traits.

6. I have a really good time with u, still I don't like u as much as I'm supposed to like u.

7. I like u a lot. But I just don't like that you are being so biased.

8. Every time I'm down, it helps a lot when I talk to u.

9. I wish I knew u better.

10. We are very different, still u are awesome!




Nine things about myself.

1. I’m impressed by chivalry. Yet it embarrasses me. And I wonder if it’s for real.
2. I cry very often (but never in public) sometimes I cry late into the night worrying bout losing people I love.

3. I keep my word. And go great lengths to ensure it.
4. I can adore someone as much as I despise them.
5. I’m an absolute absent minded freak.
6. I don’t trust anyone easily.
7. But you can trust me. Confide, and ur secret is safe with me.
8. Get into my bad books and you run the risk of being there. Forever.
9. It’s extremely difficult for me to say Goodbye. Sometimes I avoid meeting people cuz I cant face the good bye part.


Eight ways to win my heart.
1. Talk well, write well, dress well, look good. – Yeah superficial I know. But first impression??

2. Make me laugh. And laugh with me. Match my wits. And win me over.

3. Confide in me

4. Have a deep conversation with me / Inspire me.

5. Be modest and honest. Tell me the truth. Even when it hurts. But learn the art of diplomacy.

6. Share my interests/traits. Even the not so great ones.

7. Be unconventional.

8. Tell me all the dumb things u have done. Makes me feel better. And I’l think you’re cute.


Seven things that cross my mind a lot –
1. My parents health.
2. My future.
3. Death/ life’s mysteries/ God/ religion
4. I wish I was a man!!
5. Pls own up when you are wrong. I appreciate it. And even though its difficult to forgive, I’l try.
6. Ask a lotta questions ONLY if I like u. Else u repel me.
7. Ask me politely. U will get almost anything. Order me around. Sorry, u lost ur chance!

Six things I wish I never did.
Hmmm… I don’t regret anything that I have done. Regret not doing certain things though.


Five turn off's

1. Control freaks
2. chauvinists/lechers
3. being curt
4. being selfish.
5. atrocious sense of dressing / make up

Four turn on's.

1. A sense of humour
2. Gentleness
3. beauty
4. intensity – whatever that means ;)

Three things I want to do before I die.

1. Spend more time with people I love.
2. Chase my dreams.
3. Be the first one to die. I cant watch my loved ones die. Neither can I live without them.

Two smileys that describe me
;)
:o

One confession.
At every point in time, I wish I was someone else, living elsewhere.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Fun or funny???



Someone told me the other day - "U r obviously fun girl! but not so much funny!"

I wonder what's really the difference. Any idea guys??

Monday, February 18, 2008

The 'This... Or That' game



This game is draining me out, emotionally! Its breaking me to bits. Life is throwing different options, and all I need to do is weigh the pros and cons and pick the best one. But in typical Libran style, I’m dodging things due to my indecisiveness. I don’t want to miss out on a wonderful opportunity. Nor Do I want to end up making the wrong decision and regret for the rest of my life. This is a decisive phase, and m indecisive! Sigh!..

Saturday, February 9, 2008

Chic(k) Fever



The following is a post I wrote around 3 yrs back on a different blog (That this was the ONLY post in that blog is another story!) The context of the post is relevant today, yet certain aspects are not. Yet I have kept it completely unchanged!

Avian Influenza, more fondly referred to as Bird Flu is the latest thing to hit the headlines. Each time me and my ‘pure’ non-vegetarian fellow beings heave a sigh of relief at its eradication, its back with more gusto. It has made it impossible for chicken -hearted chicken lovers to eat anything at all. One can’t even gulp down a glass of cold coffee with cream, in peace. Why, cream can have eggs too. So does delightful to look at, heavenly to eat chocolate cakes. And if one chooses to binge on some safer varieties of non-vegetarian, a concerned friend warns us about the unlikely chance of chicken being mixed with it. Here, we are not exactly questioning the sanity of the chefs, but accidents do happen!


At this point in time, I lose hope and turn to God Almighty. I ask him, “God, why do you always put us non vegetarian patrons to test? Us, who cant do with out it for breakfast, lunch and dinner, sometimes brunch, and don’t really mind snacking on their different varieties through out the day. Why doesn’t any one hear about deadly diseases that catch vegetables, which when consumed can churn out human intestines? ” Iam still awaiting an answer from above.


Post- tsunami was a dreaded phase for all the fish lovers of the world. People with faint hearts (and stomachs) had to think twice before devouring those thorny delicacies. Then there was Anthrax, which caught the cows and the pigs. I wondered why God dint give these four-legged creatures a chance to die a more noble death – by satiating some incurable non-vegetarian’s craving!!! Now who is responsible if they go to hell? And the latest to join the bandwagon is the chic fever.



I call it chic fever for very specific reasons, because anything to do with this deadly disease has become fashionable. This time the trendsetter was the Ministry Of Health and Welfare itself. In an all out attempt to win the foodies back, the Ministry indulged in a daily dose of very explicit ‘Go For It’ ads. For the benefit of the uninitiated, the chic fever did serious damage to the poultry business. So the national newspapers, obviously under the ministry’s demand, carried pictures of mouth-watering Tandoori chicken full and boiled eggs, with a copy convincing us that it is perfectly safe to consume chicken and shying away from digging into it is nothing short of stupidity. Next day we hear the news of another thousands of hens being culled!!! At this juncture, Iam deeply moved by the caring concern of the Ministry. They definitely felt that dying was a better option than holding back one’s urges. Or they probably believed that all of us had to die one day, so why not eat to one’s heart’s content and die a peaceful death.


The ministry’s ‘eat-chicken’ campaign was in the lines of ‘winning confidence back’ ad campaigns that Pepsi and Cadbury’s ran – Pepsi, when accused of containing pesticides and Cadbury’s to defend the presence of worms in their chocolates. Iam forced to think that Ministry lacks credible ideas. An ad featuring ‘Punjab da Puttar’ Virender Sehwag digging into Tandoori Murg and then hitting a sixer (If the Ambanis can, so can they) or better still, two nubile nymphets fighting over a piece of chicken, all the while ignoring the hot dude beside them, would have appealed to the audience.



It took an interesting or rather enlightening conversation with my maid to make a cynic like me probe beyond the obvious. She was understandably excited because for her, the chic fever is a blessing in disguise. She and her family, her three kids included, are thrilled because chicken is now available at affordable prices, sometimes even free. Then I think about many such people, who would prefer eating chicken, risking death to starving themselves to death. So like everything else, this chic fever too is a two-sided affair. Only I was a little late to realize. We might not always know how, but God definitely has a plan. Amen.

Friday, February 1, 2008

Women.....As we know them



When life got busier, I moved away from friendships and acquaintances forged at an earlier phase of life. I could afford to lose them and go on to bigger things, and today I can afford to look back at them with fondness. The last year has been one of rebonding-with-old-pals types. And what did I find?? Boys, I must admit, have remained the same all through these years. Only they have become a little serious since the last time we met. Priorities have changed but of course. They have moved on from bikes, babes and booze to make more money. Pray why?? For better bikes, babes and booze. Boys will always be boys!!! Women, on the other hand , have changed. Each meeting with old female acquaintances shed some light on how they grew and I was tempted to put then into little boxes.



The Single, Independent Women – Slogged their assess off to make a career for themselves. Fiercely independent, one admires their confidence just as one despises their arrogance. In typical corporate jargon, they talk about their six-figure income, high-profile meetings, busy schedules, deals clinched and battles won. Hiding behind that aggressive façade and tired eyes is a vulnerable soul lamenting over broken friendships, lost sleep and loneliness.



The Happily Married Women – Married early to rich men, sacrificing education, career and independence, but thought nothing of it. They throw subtle references to trips made to exotic foreign locations and their brand new diamond collections. They are ladies with class, so stating things explicitly will be thoroughly out of the question. Though comfortably tucked in their cocooned life, they regret not making a mark of their own. And since they don’t work to contribute monetarily to the house, they have more time, but less liberty.



The Single, Dependent Women – Screwed up on their studies, because they were busy having fun. Couldn’t make a rewarding career for themselves cuz they were dating men. Full of hope and despair, they still are dependent on the men in their lives (read fathers, boyfriends). They have enviable tales to narrate bout the exciting adventure called life. Suddenly they realize life needs more stability and security, but find that the men they were dating fall short of being the right guy.. Their education is either inadequate or inappropriate to take them to great heights. They realize it’s too late to start all over again, but too early to stop dreaming.


Each of the meetings I had were planned to renew friendships and catch up on old pals. And look what I got. Love has been totally lost. From their hearts as well as mine. What could have been a pleasnt walk down the memory lane, ended up being some kinda 'who has gotten ahead" contest. Every sentence uttered had an undertone of “hey, I’m having a better life”. And though I wasn’t prepared for this, I fell into it headlong, each and every time. And at the end of it all, I realized that the picture I had in mind of these women as lil girls were far more comforting than met the eye. I'm sad I ruined that beautiful picture!!!

PS: There is poll put up at the right corner. pls vote. Thanks in advance!

And tho 1 and 3 remain the same, the 2nd option is actually interesting, moderately well off n ugly!!! (unattractive was just a polite way of putting it. And this is with refernce to in case 2 ONLY) I realized I had placed it above the rest!

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Lost...



Recently I read a blog where the last post (at the time of reading) was on life - offering us different choices or it imposing on us. Now I dont seem to find that blog. I dont remember the blog title either. I'm sure I reached that space through some of ur blogs. Do comment if u know this blog!

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Soul searching!!!



Your Life Path Number is 9

Your purpose in life is to make the world better

You are very socially conscious and a total idealist.
You think there are many things wrong with the world, and you want to fix them.
You have a big idea of how to world could be, and you'll sacrifice almost anything to work towards this dream.

In love, you can easily see the beauty in someone else. And you never cling too tightly.

You are capable of great love, but it's hard for you to focus your love on one person or relationship.
You have a lot of outward focus, and you tend to blame the world for your failures.
You are often disappointed by the realities of life - it's hard for you to accept the shortcomings of the world.



Your Love Number is 4

You are a creative and expressive lover - a true romantic at heart.
An introspective soul, you know exactly how your ideal relationship should be.
But if you don't get that ideal, you tend to get a bit pouty and dramatic.
You need someone who can roll with the punches, that's for sure!


You Are a Peacemaker Soul

You strive to please others and compromise anyway you can.
War or conflict bothers you, and you would do anything to keep the peace.
You are a good mediator and a true negotiator.
Sometimes you do too much, trying so hard to make people happy.

While you keep the peace, you tend to be secretly judgmental.
You lose respect for people who don't like to both give and take.
On the flip side, you've got a great sense of humor and wit.
You're always diplomatic and able to give good advice.

Souls you are most compatible with: Warrior Soul, Hunter Soul and Visionary Soul



Your Dominant Thinking Style: Modifying

Super logical and rational, you consider every fact available to you.
You don't make rash decisions and are rarely moved by emotion.

You prefer what's known and proven - to the new and untested.
You tend to ground those around you and add stability.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

People! $#$# off!



How I loath receiving advice! Esply on something real personal. And more so when the advisor believes in stereotypical gender roles!! I so Bloody hate it. When somebody tells me "hey.. this is what a woman should do!" Then I will NEVER do it. Who created these roles after all? Whatever we say bout moving ahead, we still live in regressive times. We never, once think about straying from laid down rules. Thatz unthinkable! A woman's biggest enemy is a woman most of the times.

I'm freaking mad at someone who passed a remark and I'm fuming here. How can somebody else just 'decide' what my future would be and how I should lead my life. Why do some people refuse to acknowledge tht life offers so many BLOODY choices!!! Its only upto ME to decide wot I want to pick. Its MY life for heaven's sake! I will play hide n seek with it, throw it up in te air n catch it, kill myself or do what ever I wanna do with it. Who is anybopdy else to comment on??? Just buzz off people!!! Get a life outside mine!

People are bloody jealous! Just cuz they had a tough life, they just wont let anyone else have a good life! Their attitude is something as regressive as this " There was no transport years back, so ppl had to walk. So even today, when u have all these cars, u still HAVE to walk. Any other mode is unthinkable"! Where's the fucking logic???

Boy! m still freaking out here! but wot wud have I done without this blog??I wud have probably hit tat person on the head!!!

Sunday, January 6, 2008

To Sis, With Love



The world and its Uncle might have already wished u a great Newyears. This is my first post of the year, hence the delay. Hope u all had loads of fun. I had fun too. Here’s wishing all my readers a lovely year ahead filled with loads of happiness, good health, love and laughter!!



My sis was home for a week. And I had a lovely time with her. We talked a great deal, shopped a lot, lunched out and watched movies together. Shez grown to become one of my best buddies now. I’m amazed at how we grew from ‘hating’ each other to loving each other again.


When I was a child, I used to dote on my lil sister. She was my sweet little baby and I loved her to bits. We had our share of sibling fights (never rivalry, just fights), but then like all sisters we patched up. But then teenage happened and we couldnt see each other eye to eye. It would be more precise to say I couldn’t stand her, cuz she was still nice to me. Only I thought having a sister (younger esply) was a curse!!! Maybe because having a sis meant having to share all things girlie and precious (yeah, like plastic bangles, satin ribbons or lace!). Or having a younger sibling meant having to give in all the time cuz I was ‘older’ even at 2 years.!! Or cuz she always got the bigger slab of chocolate cuz she was younger and u know she would ‘cry’. I always wanted to have a big bro. I don’t remember the reasons, but mebbe cuz all my buddies had elder brothers. But I also remember that was hardly the reason for my fights with sis. I was just stubborn and spoilt!


We both had more than our share of endless fights which went on for days unsettled. . One fight led to another and days turned into weeks, weeks into months, months into years! Our resentment grew with age. We looked through each other, hardly talked, behaved like the other person didn’t exist. We were two strangers living under the same roof! But slowly, but steadily, we resolved our differences. But by the time we were back to our old selves, it was time for both of us to move on with our lives. Higher education and career took us away from home. Then I would time my visits to home according to her hols so that we could be together. That was when I realized the value of all those years I wasted hating her!!


Today, it’s hardly possible to meet her as often as I want to. And each meeting would normally last less than a week. That’s just not enough! As days go by, we are gonna get busier with our lives. I would often dream of times when my parents, me and sis would ‘live’ (and not holiday) together in the same house, leave the same house in the morning for work and come back to the same house in the evening. And most important, we wouldn’t have to worry about catching a train to somewhere else tomorrow.


But things had to change. And now that she has left, I feel so empty. Even today, we don’t talk much like other sisters do. Me n sis are diametrically opposite people. We have different takes on life and our idea of fun is totally different. Yet, she is such an awwwesome person, ALWAYS willing to put the other person before her! And it’s wonderful to have her around. I can order her around, nag her endlessly, bore her with my PJs, pull her legs and when I feel like it, just run to her and give her a tight hug. So today I say, “Sisters are such a blessing”!!! Love ya babe, mwaaah!

Friday, December 28, 2007

Its all bout being a WOMAN!



You Are a Total Girlie Girl

You love looking good, and wooing men with your womanly ways.
You're so feminine, men are in awe of you ... which is a very good thing.


Guys Think You're Easy to Be With... But Not Easy

You're definitely a flirt - and a good one.
But you also know that you shouldn't make a move on any cute guy who passes by.
You save your seductive moves for someone who already knows the real you.
That way, your sex appeal is just part of the whole package.



You Are 91% Feminist

You are a total feminist. This doesn't mean you're a man hater (in fact, you may be a man).
You just think that men and women should be treated equally. It's a simple idea but somehow complicated for the world to put into action.


You Are A Girl!

Are you ever serious? Well, you're seriously playful.
And guys are attracted to your girlish spirit and all the fun that follows.
Your girlish, temper, however... well, they could live without that.
Not to worry though, you never stay upset for long. It's off to the next adventure.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

The Last Laugh!



I don’t remember the last time I had a real laugh. The kind that make my stomach ache, my eyes wet n my lungs deflate. There have been times when me and my friends would fall on each other, topple over tables, hold hands or lean on shoulders’ for support until we can stand up straight again without the fear of falling down. Laughs at the water cooler where my laugh-induced shaky hand would spill half the water in the tumbler. Laughs at the post – midnight tripping sessions, where we would mercilessly harass an unsuspecting junior (NO! this is not ragging. We went on to become really good friends. What the hell! we were already friends then!) and laugh at her expense. Laughs at the dark corridors after the lights are turned off which result in more 'Hushhhhh’ than te 'Hahahaha'.

Therez nothing like a great hearty laugh. And its been a long while since I have indulged in one. Well… there have been those forced laughs when that old aunty in the neighborhood cracks the same joke the 4th time, those half-hearted smiles when u meet somebody you loath meeting, those nervous laughter to ease out awkward silences. Trust me, it doesn’t give the high an open, ‘I don’t care what the listeners think, life is a laugh-riot’ laugh gives - a laugh where u put the whole of yourself, leave behind all the worries and sigh at the end. Its such a joy!

I’m really looking forward to the next few days. I wont have a hearty laugh, m almost sure. But I hope to have atleast a heart-felt smile.

So temme, when was the last time you had a real laugh???

Monday, December 17, 2007

It Kills me to think



Below is a poem I wrote for a random school contest. The theme of the poem is unrequited love. I found it when I was digging for some lost papers. Now when I read it, I find it a lil corny. Thought I'l post it anyways. It goes like this....


It Kills me to think

You bring out the best in me
Every time I’m with you
I fall in love with myself.
Because I say to you
What I’ve never said before
I do for you
What I’ve never done before.

But it kills me to think that ‘m not to you, wot you are to me.


I remember every glance we exchanged
Every word we spoke, every moment we spend in silence.
But in your memories I may not even exist.

And it kills me to think that for you, ‘m just another woman
But your the standard by which I judge every man.


Every time u looked into my eyes and spoke nothing
I thought I read your silence right.
Every time I fought with you just to talk to you
I thought you could read my mind.
Every time I buried my dreams under yours
I thought you would know why.

And it kills me to think that you couldn’t see in my eyes
Wot I so wanted to say with my lips.


You met many women and moved on with life.
I met many men, but in everyman I met
I kept looking for YOU.

Whats between us can be created with none
Because all the magic comes to life, only when I’m with you.
Though unseen, I can deeply feel the heat
And with all my heart, I know you are irreplaceable.

And it kills me to think I can never feel the same feel again.



Monday, October 29, 2007

Brain Dead



Its been really long since I penned down something. After some 15 odd posts, its only natural that the initial excitement has died down. But there is more reason than this for the long silence Happy thoughts elude me completely. NO. All kinds of thoughts elude me - happy, sad, exciting, boring and revolutionary. I've become brain-dead. For somebody who feels alive only when her thoughts are tricking, it is indeed a distressing situation.

The real world around doesn't interest me anymore. Now that is not surprising. Because the real world has never aroused my spirit. I was always bored with te real world, real people. But I had this innate ability to create an internal world within myself and be safely tucked in there. yeah, I HAD that ability. That amazing ability to disconnect myself from te real world n connect with an inner world has been taken away. Now I grope for thoughts to fill my empty moments, but in vain. I have spent many a pensive moments in te past. And looks like I have pondered several times over everything that matters to me. Maybe, its time to move on and find new interests. For the sake of filling up empty moments, for te sake of feeling alive again.

Saturday, September 29, 2007

Parzania - Movie Review



I read a review written by my sis on the Movie 'Parzania'. After she mailed it to me to edit it(which I failed to do), I have been nagging her to post it on her blog. Finally she did. But since shez been so out of blogging due to her hectic schedule, there r hardly any visitors. Thot of helpin her out by giving a link to te movie review. Its available at http://devils-advokate.blogspot.com.

Friday, September 21, 2007

Turning 24!! - Yippeee!/ Damn!!



Yup, I'm gonna turn 24!!! In a few days time.

And y this mixed feeling? Well... Birthdays are celebration time!! Though I cant exactly remember wen I 'celebrated' my b'day te last time. Neverthless, its a special day. Its te day u made ur grand entry into this world , te day u were born. And its a day ppl from far n near remember u, call u jus to wish u on ur spl day...u receive gifts, pamper urself and try to smile n laugh n have a good time!!And if u get to spend this day with ur loved ones, therez nothing like it. Yippeee!


Its also te day u turn a year older. Well...m not going to change or grow dramatically in t next 3 days leading to my b'day. Yet, its a definite mark. its a reminder tat u have spend tat many years in this world, tat ur heading towards change, tat ur growing up.. and unfortunately growing older too!! - Contrary to wot u have always thot. Atleast contrary to wot I have thot. I always thot I would stay young for ever, tat old age and its traumas were for other ppl. How naive!!! So wen te realization hits u, it doesn feel great. Next Sept I wil turn 25, then some day 30 (Oh! NO!). And age wil bring along with it myriad problems - wrinkles, diseases, aches n jus pure madness. (Mad at urself for te way ur, for not doing those things u should have done in ur youth , so on.) And if ur a woman, dont even talk bout it. Women grow older faster, both physically n emotionally. Men r so lucky. They get married late, grow up even later (muhahaha), have time for all te fun before they get serious in life. And even if a man is 35, he can still manage to look young (unless ofcourse if ur bald! but still, u cn try a hair transpant). But a 35 yr ol woman look ypung only if she is a super model or smthg. Err.. do anti-ageing creams actually work!??!!??! Cuz its not really a great sight to see urself growing paler n weeker! Damn!


Hey.. WAIT! This is my b;day post. Its supposed to be happy!!! And wot m I freting bout? (And te damn! took longer to explain tahn te yippee! )M still young!!! But so much to do n so lil time!!!

Happy Birthday to ME!!!