Happy Birthday Love!!!

I always liked the tall, broad, wheatish types... Either that or the bespectacled , intelligent, tall types. I was never into the fair, cutiee,chocolate types. I have always seen my friends drooling over the chocolate boys, but they captured neither my interest nor attention. I swooned over naughty, mischeivous smile (the kallachiri, as I often call it) instead. And guys with a great sense of dressing (and can tell beige from brown), attractive and brisk body language and lotta energy. But I never thot that I would find that combination in one package. And then u walked into my life, and I was floored!!! Even though it was definitely not love at first sight for me, u managed to create a very positive first impression. But then I had a million nagging doubts in my heart. What if ur a pyscho? What if you are a playboy? What if ur a pathological flirt( that kallachiri didn't help ur case). What if ur a compulsive liar? (again ur kallachiri landed u in trouble). Slowly, but surely, the doubt and insecurities disappeared. After endless discussions, fights, tears and breakups (ahem! ahem!), we are here today!!! And I must say that ur unfaltering smile still makes my heart skip a beat!!! :):):)

During our first date, I was over-joyed to know that u are passionate about travelling, food and movies - three of my loves too!! As we plan and dream about all the wonderful holidays that we would take in future, I cannot stop beaming with such immense joy. And food.... I always wanted someone who enjoys food and loves experimenting. When we start talking about food, there is no stopping us. And its amazing that we enjoy the same kinda movies and keep quoting lines outta them :)... We love the same things, believe in the same things and share many interests. Iam so glad that you share my aesthetic taste too, so we don't have to fight over the colour of the curtain or the shape of the coffee table. I can easily trust you to buy me something and can rest assured that u will get back with something I like. I am thrilled when I go shopping with you. You enjoy shopping too (as much as a guy is legally allowed to enjoy :D) and do not mind going from shop to shop looking for the right stuff!

We have our differences too. My relationship with sports ends with just knowing how to spell it right. But you are not just an ardent fan, but u also thoroughly enjoy getting out into the field and sweating it out there. I can sniff some very passionate channel wars in future...As I often tell you, whenever a new gadget hits town, ur the first to know and am the last to know. Iam lazy and laidback. Ur high on energy. God! Its tough keeping pace with you... I sit up in awe and watch, as you neatly fold clothes and pack them into your suitcase. Me, on the other hand, belive in the "Curl and Throw" theory. I curl my clothes into a ball and throw them into the cupboard or suitcase. :P.. And am a whiner!!! I used to exude lotta negative energy, crib endlessly, wallow in self-pity, seek out melancholy and run to you for solace. But u didn't entertain it one bit and made it very clear that u cannot find solutions to my "unreal" problems. Your indifference did help me be a stronger person, even though it thoroughly shattered me initially!! That said, whenever I had "real problems" and was in "real need", u were alwaysss there for me :):):)... U exude lotta positive energy and always focus on the brighter things in life. And ur positivity has rubbed off on me. I feel that I have become a better person now.

Your are a perfect combination of all things awesome - You are such a fun person and share my brand of humour. I absolutely enjoy hanging out with you. You love all the fun things in life. Yet, I have never seen someone more responsible than you. I sometimes wonder how you keep track of so many things, follow up on them, organize things in the head, takes initiatives and manages everything so responsibly.... You are assertive and sticks to your word when it comes to matters of principles.. But when it comes to matters of heart, you are as tender as it can get... When u have made up ur mind, no amount of crying, coaxing, cajoling or cootchie cooing will work with you.. but u melt into mush when somone u love is hurt....I have heard a lot of girls complaining that the men in their lives are so unemotional. But am truly glad that u totally get my emotional side and even enjoy a bit of emotional conversation. Sometimes ur just a child being all silly, sometimes you are all so naughty and fun like a guy, at other times you take charge like a man and handle the situation so well....And I SOOO love that AGRESSIVE-GENTLE combination!!! You are an extrovert and can keep the conversation going forever, yet when I tell you smthg close to my heart, you listen raptly with genuine interest. You love adventure, excitement and taking risks, but that doesn't make you reckless. You are a sensible person who thinks things through, plays it safe and plans things in great detail... You are a realistic guy, with his feet firmly planted on the ground. But you are also the more romantic one in the relationship. You remember birthdays (not just mine, but everyone who matters to you), do cute lil romantic things, say all the right lines and get all moist-eyed when I say smthg mushy.

Something that really brought us together is our love for our respectives families. We both realise and understand that family is supreme, and that there are very few things that are more important than the families. We find so much pleasure in spending time with our family and absolutely treasure such moments of togetherness. I have been teased by friends many times when I chose my family over friends. But Iam absolutely sure that I have been right. We both are very clear that being in a relationship or getting married won't change our love for our families. Sure, priorities must and will change, but we do know that some relationships are forever.

Iam soooo happy that ur bonding well with my family, esply my Dad. Its nice when the two men in my life talk fondly about each other.(And now I have a feeling that u both have ur own secrets that u dnt share with me :O) The day u told me that my Dad is a nice person, is one of the happiest days of my life! I see a lot of him in you - the principles & values, the optimism, the undying spirit, sibling love, the responsibility, the protectiveness and caring. Yet, you two are poles apart. Dad is such a cynic and ur such a believer!! And am glad u have none of his cynicism. Dad fights when someone is unfair to him, but u smooth-talk ur way( unless fighting is the only remaining option).. Dad believes that Newyears, festivals and birthdays are just another days, where as u treat them as moments for celebrations... Iam glad :)

Iam so happy when I see you doting over ur nephew and niece in particular, and over kids in general. Iam sure that you will make an amazing Dad. I have an awesome Dad, and want my kids to have an awesome Dad too (mostly cuz their mom would be a lost case :D).

But of all the amazing qualities that you have, something that really defines you is ur heart of gold(I say this at the risk of sounding cliched). You are genuine to a fault and is an extremely loyal person. You make friends for life and stand by them thru thick and thin. (whether u keep in touch or not). I often tell you that ur truly blessed to have such life-long friendships. But smthg that I rarely tell you is that you really deserve such everlasting friendships cuz u have earnt them. You cannot see anyone hurt and you often go out of ur way to keep everyone around you happy. You protect the underdogs and go an extra mile to help a needy person. Once during our galavanting, when we bumped into two girls who were lost (two pretty bombshells, so no underdogs mind you, but still they were lost!), you tried your best to help them out (out of genuine humanitarian concern i believe). Though I had a bad headache the whole day (okay, I faked it cuz I was mighty pissed off with ye :D), I secretly admired you. You are honest to the core. Sure, u can think up lies on ur feet and cook up stories. But as u say, ur an open book and if people can read you, they will know you. But you have also taught me that its okay to lie if it saves someone a heartache. You never do something just cuz it is a cool thing to do, but you are individualistic enough to do things on ur own terms .

We both believed in the beauty of a stable and strong relationship. Our friends advised us to enjoy our life and to not waste our time by waiting for the right person who may never turn up. But am glad that we waited for each other and we didn't ruin the exclusivity of this special bond by giving pieces of ourselves to prior short-term flings or momentary pleasures. (Ofcorz, we have our own blasts from the past. But we knew where to draw the line).

You are truly a gem of a person. But that doesn't make you too much of a good boy or a bore. Lotta nice people I know are so boring... and lotta interesting people I know are.. well.. not so nice. They just have their own interests in mind, and just want to have fun. So I have often wondered if there would be someone who is nice AND interesting - someone who believes in the importance of family, but has ventured out of his comfort zone and travelled the world ... someone who is naughty, but nice.. ... someone who is fun, but sensible.. someone who is romantic, but realistic.. someone who is protective, yet enjoy being pampered... someone who is spontaneous, but also a planner.. someone who offers awesome company, but gives me space. someone who treats a woman like a lady, yet considers her a buddy... someone who is assertive, but tender... And my love, u are all this and more.....

I love it when ur matching wits with me ... the teasing and taunting ... the peppery romance... the great laughs... the friendship we share.... the long, serious conversation... the casual, mindless chatter... the back-to-back movies... the unending search when we can't find the exactt thing we want to eat... the joy when we discover it.. the endless cootchie cooing... the awesome cuddles... but what I like best is when u look at me dreamily with eyes full of innocence and love...That is when it hits me that "This sweetheart is MINE!!!".... MUUUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HONEY!!!

Have a fantastic life... better said.. Have a fantabulous life with me!!! :P ;) :)

Turning 28!!!

To be edited

I turned 28 coupla days back and somehow it feels good. I never expected this. As I said earlier, I was really upset when I turned 26, cuz I swept past the much-talked about 25! Because, 25 is seen as the cut-off year every where. Whenever you take part in surveys or fill up forms, they go like this...

below 18

18-25 years

26-35years

above 35

I felt great when I could check that column next to 18-25. I might be 24, but people could still think Iam only 18. Iam leaving the options open. If u go by the way I look, chances are that you wouldn't think like that. :D But if you go by the way I sometimes behave, then Yeah, very much Possible :D So I was really upset when I turned 26 and had to check that column next to 26-35. So someoe who reads it might think am 35? From 18 to 35 in one swoop!!! Thats so unfair!!!! Surely, being 26 and 35 is not the same thing. It never is. So you can imagine the disappointment I felt when I turned 26!! Add to it the fact that I was at a personal low, looked my worst and was under tremendous pressure of various kinds. When I turned 27, boy! I was heartbroken. Just a mere 3 years to turn 30! Turning 30 was never part of my plans. I mean.. really.. I never planned that far. I thought I will always be a kid...(honestly, I still feel like a kid on most days) and time would stand still or I would just magically disappear or some such thing... I can plan only 6 months forward... Anything beyond six mnths would go over my head... I live for the moment... Maybe, even cling on to the past fiercely, refusing to move on... But future was smthg I rarely thought of.. Ofcourze I pondered over philosophical questions, worried over inconsequential things, had mighty illusions of grandeur about my future, dreamt about being rich and famous et.al.. But I did all that cuz I really enjoy getting lost in an imaginary world. Not cuz I really believed in them. So yeah... 30 was smthg I never planned to be. But yayyyyy!! When I turned 28, it actually feels great. To begin with, 28 sounds really cool to me. Wayyy cooler than 27. 27 is like a wannabe... U have crossed 25. But u still want to be in that below 25 bracket. Wannabe!!! But 28 is in a league of its own! When u are 28, you have gotten over ur 25-fixation. It doesn't matter anymore. Its over. You have made peace with it. But hey.... Guess wot? 30 is still 2 solid years away!!! And thats great when you are surrounded by a lotta people who are in their 30s. And you stilll have ample time to rework on "things to do before I turn 30" list.... And am glad that I have taken some steps towards it. But that can wait. I really dont wanna publish my "things to do before I turn 30" list. I can do that when I do a post for my 30th birthday. That said, I have made few simple resolutions for this year. The ones that can be actually followed.

1. Don't buy books or movies DVDs unless I have finished reading/watching everything that I already have. Don't buy any book or movie DVD unless I really wanna read/watch it. Sometimes I buy them just cuz they are popular or they are must-reads or must-watch.

2. Argue less. Ok, I have grown wise. Arguing is pointless. Arguing is a waste of energy and time. And at the end of the day, if u cannot get the point across to the other person, u feel frustarted. So now I have learnt to silently listen to watever the other person has to say and just move on. As long as I know am right, Iam fine.

3. Lie a little. This might come as a surprise. But now I understood the importance of lying. I can sometimes be too honest, too open and too frank. But its clearly not doing anyone any good. If harmless lies can protect someone from getting hurt, save relationships and make every one happy, so be it.

4.Better Living - Get my sleeping pattern on track, Walk daily, drink loads of water, practice yoga, eat healthy, deaddict from watever am addicted to, read more, pray more.

5. Expect Less - From family, from friends, from love, from life, from God! This is the toughest, i tell ye.

6. Save more - Don't spend on things that are not absolutely necessary. Save up on the lil things for bigger things. Walk the shorter distances. Take the bus instead of the rickshaw. Take the rickshaw instead of the cab. Travel non AC, instead of the AC. Drink cappucino instead of Cold coffee with whipped cream and choco sauce. Buy one pair of shoes instead of 3. Saving up on lil things will add up.

7. Nurture Relationships - Forgive. Its liberating!! Keep in touch with those who are important. Remember birthdays - This might not seem very important. But I forgot to wish two of my friends whom I call up on an every-day basis. And they both religiously wished me on my birthday. So am going to sign up into some birthday reminder stuff .

8. Be sure of who I want in my life - If smone doesn't make me feel good, then just cut them off from life. They are really not worth it. There are people whom I care a lot about, but they dnt give two hoots about me. Then there are people who make it look like their life is so awesome, and talk non-stop about it. I know that people usually do this because they have low self-esteem. They really need to 'prove' that they are having a great life. Then there are people who crib about everything in life. Venting out once in a while is human. But cribbing about every lil thing and making a mountain out of them? So very uncool. Thenthere are those who repeatedly say how much they are adored by their friends, colleagues, neighbours, acquaintances, dogs on the streets etc. This is really funny when the person who says is not all that lovable. So if someone makes me feel good and exudes positivity, then they are with me.

9. Try something new every now and them - Simple things like cooking a new dish, trying a new hair cut, applying a new shade of nail paint or lip colour, checking out a new restaurant, taking a different route. Or bigger things like learning a new language, a new musical instrument etc. It doesn't matter even if I dnt stick to it long term. Just the pleasures of learning something new is great. In short, be experimental.

10. And even if I manage to do nothing from the list, not to be too hard on myself.. and lourvvve myself!!!!!

Looking back... at the year that went by....

New Year is a few months away. But i turn a year older in a couple of days. Nothing is going to change drastically in a few days that lead to my birthday, but a lot has changed in the past one year. I have made peace with myself, learnt a few realities, gladly accepted the things that I cannot change, and I evolved into a more secure person. But the most important change in me is that I started being grateful for a lot of things I have in life. And when I started counting my blessings, I realised that there are a lot of things to be grateful for.

Last year has been a roller coaster ride for me. There were some ups and downs. There were some very exciting, exhilarating, and even intoxicating highs, but there were also some depressing lows and I hit rock bottom. The year didn't begin very well. There were moments of deep pain when I felt that someone was stabbing me deep with a sharp knife and my heart was cut into million little pieces. And I felt that these pieces of my heart will never be together as one. Each time I made an effort to move, smile or talk, one of this piece would cut me through. I thought I would never be able to laugh heartily again. Forget about laughing, I thought I would never be able to smile again, without feeling something pricking me from inside. My world had come crashing down and I couldn't pull myself together. And on top of that I lost a friend (or rather we mutually decided to lose each other) who I thought I would never lose in life. One after other, things went from bad to worse. I went to bed with a heavy heart, cried myself to sleep, smtimes stayed up till early morning pouring my heart out into my diary, waking up feeling empty and with swollen eyes, wanting to be held and comforted with reassuring words, but found myself lonely. But I emerged out of it, as a healthier and happier person. And yeah, I count my blessings now, more often than ever. So I'm going to list down the positive things that happened in my life for the past one year.

* I made a really really close friend. Someone who completely understands me, cares for me and someone to whom I can talk about anything in the world. Once I got to know her better , I realised that we have a lot more in common than I thought. She has become a sort of an emotional partner for me. She is a really genuine and thoughtful person and I love her for what she is.

* My relationship with my mom has become great now.

* Someone with whom I had parted in bitter terms is back in my life now. All the bitterness have been resolved. Now when I look back, there is no sorrow or anger, just fondness.

* A wound that has been hurting me a lot has finally healed. And now I can finally laugh heartily.

* There was some one who inspired and impressed me a lot. She is the sweetest person I have ever met in my life. She is genuine and real, shares my wavelength, has a sweet sense of humour, is great to talk to, has got a lot of class, loves words and is absolutely a pleasure to be with. We had lost touch for so many years and finally we are in touch again.

* I thought that distance will kill some friendships, but it didn't. Infact, some friendships became stronger than before.

* I had always wanted to learn few foreign languages and take some piano classes. And I could finally do that this year. I took up French and cleared my DELF examinations. My piano classes are going on well, though sometimes it can really drive me crazy. I know how the fingers of my right hand should move. I know how the fingers of my left hand should move. But when I move both my hands together, it is total chaos. But with little bit practice, I want to really master it. And now I feel I actually can.

* Work looks good right now. And i'm getting a chance to do smthg that I always alwayss always wanted to do. I'm excited, and at the same time, a little nervous too.

* I have made new contacts and my social life is better now.

* I have finally started working on my book and it is progressing well.

*I wondered if I should write this last one. But I thought anyways, there aren't too many people who read this blog now. Besides, when I look back, its only going to make me happier. I wanted to do my bit for the society. Finally, I joined an NGO and is now teaching underprivileged kids.

So thats how the last year was. Things are looking really bright and 'm happy now. I have a few more things to work on. And I'm doing that at a steady pace. Hope that the good run continues........

Yours Happily

Me

Whats Uuuup?

Whats up? Absolutely nothing.! Yes, Thats how it is. Nothing exciting, interesting or eventful is happening right now. But I'm deliriously happy. Yes, I really am. There has never been a phase in my life where I have known such peace.

*Gratitude - I'm more and more aware of how truly blessed I'm. I was always a cribber. I used to crib and whine endlessly about what I din't have in life. I always compared myself with people who were doing better than me in life. But today, I'm really really grateful for what I have . Why on earth did I not count my blessings before? I don't know why it took me so long to understand the obvious. But this realization has changed my life for the better. I started looking at things from a new perspective. I need to thank a friend for this, who despite my total negativity, urged me to look at the brighter side always. Each time I was falling into a mess, he talked me out of it and infused in me a positive energy. Though I resisted it fiercely, I lapped up some and voila! I'm a new person now!

*Prayers - I discovered the power of prayers. I have always been a cynic. But I also maintained that the day I feel its power, I will openly announce it. And here I'm doing it. I still don't know how prayers work. I still don't know what is God or if there is even a God! Is God listening to ur prayers and granting ur wishes? Or is the positive energy u sent out (in the form of prayers) to the Universe, returned to u in the same amount? Or is God just the Energy sustained in the Universe.?I don't have the answers to all these. Yet, I gotta say that prayers have brought about a lot of changes in my life and I'm glad that it happened!

*Parents - I realised that my parents are indeed the besssstttt. And I don't say this cuz they are my parents. Anyone who has known them have been inspired by them. They are two of the most sacrificial people. In a world where people are plotting against each other to get ahead in life, these are two people who are willing to stand back, so that someone else can get ahead! But they also know when to fight when justice is not meted out. And I feel that having them as my parents make up for lack of almost everything else in my life. Every sorrow, every failure, every disappointment become trivial when I remind myself that I have 'Them' as my parents. How many people have that kind of luck?

* Love those who love me - I don't usually love people for what they give me. I love people for who they are. I love them for the qualities in them, not for the affection they bestow on me (tho it matters, its definitely not a deal-breaker). I'm not bothered about what I get from a relationship. But I'm bothered about what kind of people I'm associated with. As long as I approve of their character, I'm going to love them. On the other side, I don't always appreciate people who love me. I might totally ignore them if they don't fit my description of a "good person". Yeah, I'm crazy that way. But these days, I'm sending out love in all the right directions. I'm giving it out only to sources which sent it to my end. And I also try to make sure that I sent it out to every source( ermm... every source that is not creepy I mean) that sends love my way. So net result - Love doesn't get wasted. I don't end up loving people who don't give two hoots about me. And I also don't waste the love that is being bestowed on me. It is accepted gratefully and sent out in equal, if not more, measure.

* Detached-Attachment - I'm normally always a little detached. I don't really put my heart into anyone. But on those rare occasions, when I do get attached, I put the whole of my heart in there. Ahhh! And it breaks. At the most unexpected, inopportune moment, it breaks. So I decided that "detached-attachment" is the way to go. One of my friends recommended this strategy and I was mad at him. I thot he was a superficial moron. But then I decided to give it a thought. Even though I felt that smthg is not right about it, I gave it a try. And once I made that a way of life, I realised that it was a smart move. So now, I share my joys with others, but I have learnt to celebrate on my own. Occassionally, I lean on a shoulder to cry on, but I have learnt to hold in my sorrows, and be my own sounding board. I listen to others' grievances and problems, and even help them when I can, but I have learnt not to worry too much over them and consider them as MY problem. So yeah, I realised its not necessary to make others the centre of my world, I don't have to always worry whether I'm hurting others, and most importantly, I don't have to give the whole of my heart to others, a small piece would be just fine. After all, I'm such a wonderful person (let modesty go to the dogs), not everyone deserves the whole heart! wink ;) wink ;)

Life Lessons Learnt

Sometimes life teaches u lessons that u never learn in school. These are what I learnt : -

1. Life is unfair. BUT, there is a balancing force in the Universe which evens out everything in life. You will realise its presence only when you pay attention. You may get away with murder, but later get framed when u are not guilty. You may cheat ur way thru exams, but then fail for another one even though u had slogged. You may butter ur boss and be his favourite, but lose out on a promotion which is rightfully urs. You may cheat on ur spouse, but badly get ur heartbroken. You may lose out on smthg which u deserve, but u will get smthg better when u least expect it. So yes, eventually everything will even out.

2. Genuine people are hard to find. If u have them in ur life, never lose them.

3. Don't go by someone's words alone. Even though words are important, know that their actions are more important.

4. Love the ones who love u, even though they don't meet your standards. There won't be too many anyways.

5. Do what u think is right, even if the world tells u that they are wrong. The world will secretly admire ur convictions and strength.

6. There will be times when u feel that honesty and sincerity have no place in the world. Don't get disheartened. Just stick on. Your time will come.

7. With patience , perseverance and planning, u can achieve almost everything.

8. Even if u wear a mask, what u have in mind will be out for the world to see. Both purity of heart and lack of it cannot go unnoticed for long.

9. Any worthy relationship will make u feel good about urself and make u a better person. If it doesn't, then its definitely not worth it. Cut it off without thinking too much.You will be spared a lot of torture.

10. Never expect anything in return. But never let anyone take u for granted.

Phew!!!!

I sooo wish I could take charge of my life and make things Happen. But I'm such a laid-back person that I always sit around and wait for things to happen on their own. But things rarely work out like that in life. But I just don't have the drive and the will power to take matters into my hand. Finally when I manage to talk myself into doing something, I fail at it miserably. I just don't trust myself to do anything properly. I'm such a loser!!!! I take two steps forward and take four steps backward. I just cannot seem to do anything right. I decide on doing something and focus hard, but then all those crazy thoughts playing in my head weigh me down. It takes away all hopes from me. I'm tired of this battle. I'm really tired of it.

RECEIVE...

Facebook has an application called God's message which I check regularly. Now I don't think it is God's message directly, cuz facebook is no saint. But the messages are all positive and make me feel good. So I check them regularly. This is what I got recently and I think I need to give it some serious thought...

On this day, God wants you to know...

... that it's okay to receive. Have you been the giver for so long that you have forgotten how to receive? Allow others to give you some of the love that you give so freely. Seek a balance between your giving and your receiving.

I do think I have a problem receiving just about anything - love, time, money, concern, attention or even a tiny favour. I don't claim to be too much of a giver either. But I'm definitely more comfortable giving than receiving. I wonder why is it so. A part of the problem lies with the whole trouble of ASKING.However close a relationship is, I'm often uncomfortable asking for smthg. One of the reasons is the fear of rejection. What if they say No? That is definitely gong to hurt my feelings. If not, it will atleast make me feel a bit awkward. What if they say Yes without really wanting to. That is going to be worse. I hate to be a burden or a nuisance to anyone. So either ways, it is going to be tough. I think it is much easier when someone volunteers to help me. But even then smthg inside me resists it fiercely. I'm just not comfortable with receiving anything. And I think it is because I feel I don't deserve anything - a feeling of unworth. I guess I need to really learn to Receive!!!

Life' s still good...

Previous post was a depressing one. But it was one of those days where everything was going wrong. But things are rosy and cheery once again. Thanks to all u guys who wrote in. It meant a lot to me.

I have an ever-expanding list of 'things to do', things to learn and 'things to change about myself'. I'm glad that finally I'm able to tackle them one by one, slowly yet steadily.

1. I'm finally out of a depression that I have been fighting for months. Though I sulk once in a while (that is allowed), I'm generally happy. Like they say, "if it doesn't kill u, it makes u stronger". And it definitely has made me stronger. I learnt very important lessons and now I feel I needed that bad phase. I'm glad I emerged out of it! Congratulations to me.

2. I have been thinking of a life style change for a long while. I know that I'm capable of so much more ( let modesty go to the dogs), but I'm not doing smthg right. To begin with, my time management sucks! But now I'm glad that I have brought about a life style change - daily walks, eating healthy, drinking loads of water, sleeping on time, reading more, thinking positively, controlling my urge to control everything, controlling my temper and praying. And it does feel very very good.

3. My relationship with my mom is improving. My mom has always been a great woman, a devoted wife and a doting mother. But like every daughter and mom, we had our occassional differences. And things became unbearable during those tumultous teenage years. That is the time when a girl needs her mom most. And I felt she was never around. I still hold it against her.

The fact that she holds a highly responsible job, is fiercely ambitious, has a lotta younger siblings emotionally and otherwise dependent on her and has a wide network of friends, added to the problem. I felt that she had time for everyone else and everything else in the world, but me. I was always mad @ her that she never tried to fix things. I know that she loves me a lot, but our relationship was never the way I wanted it to be. So finally I thought that instead of expecting her to take an initiative, I should take things into my hands. I felt that I should appreciate her more and criticise her less. And finally things have become so much better.

4 I have turned into a decent cook. I still need to check recipes to cook an okay-ish dish. Thanks to online recipes, mom and helpful aunts, I'm managing quite well. I have a long way to go. But I was someone who entered the kitchen to just make lime juice ( not even tea unless on those rare ocassions) or STIR ( Yeah, I love stirring. I feel very important when I do that. Lol!) There were times when I have tried making a 'thoran' or a 'mezhukkupuratti' or 'chappathis', but the results were disastrous. And about chopping veggies? Don't even get there. Even the apples and pears that I chop don't come out neat and uniform. But I din't lose hope. I was told that I may have 'kaipunyam" cuz my great grandmom, grandmom and mom are great cooks and I would have inherited their skills. And guess wot, my great grandmom is the eldest daughter of her parents, my grandmom is the eldest daughter of my great grandmom, my mom is the eldest daughter of my grandmom and I'm the eldest daughter of my mom. I don't know what I'm trying to say here. But i do find this a bit amusing. Guess wot, I have always been told that girls should learn to cook cuz eventually they are going to someone else's house to cook for some one else. The feminist in me totally detested this. The whole idea of me learning to cook so that a total stranger and his family can be fed was just beyond me. I just couldn't picture myself slaving in the kitchen while totally unrelated people feast .I did everything to make sure that I don't learn cooking. I thought cooking was a very uncool thing to do. I know I know, I was naive to think such thoughts. But if only my grandmom had told me that cooking is a life saving skill and will only make me more independent, I would have been truly fascinated. So from that girl who yelled at anyone who mocked at me for not knowing cooking, I have come a long way.

5. I have started my piano classes and I'm completely enjoying it. Though I can't sing, I have always been very musically-inclined (who is not?). I consider myself a rhythmic person ( whatever that means, I just like the idea) and I can be completely moved by a certain song and listen to it for hours on end and not get bored. So I thought I should be able to create music for my own amusement. And from there began my desire to learn musical instruments. So someday I want to be able to play the Piano, Guitar, Violin and Jazz..someday.. and I guess Piano is a great start. I'm glad that finally I found the time, (a nearby) place and the inclination to go for it. Well... I have just attended 3 classes and right now I'm just training my fingers. It began with the finger exercises . I need to make my fingers more nimble. Right now, when I press my pinky finger, the ring finger doesn't stay still. But somehow I'm already lovinggg it.

6. I'm finally getting a chance to learn French. I have been wanting to learn French for the past 7 years but things never worked out. I have made numerous calls to Alliance Francaise , always telling them that I will join the next time. I even joined it once but could attend only few classes because of my hectic work schedule. But this time things look brighter and I'm more determined. And the best part is that I'm getting a 50% reduction on the course. The course which originally costs Rs 5000/- is now available at Rs 2500/-. What a beautiful deal!!! I also want to learn German, Italian, Spanish, Korean, Japanese and Bengali someday...

Thats it for now... I thought I owe myself a good post...

Honest Scrap Award

The blogger formerly known as sansmerci has awarded me with the Honest Scrap Award. Thanks a lot girl!

The award requires me to post the award and write 10 things about me and tag back the blogger who gave you the award.

So here are ten things about me.

1. I just love that half asleep - half awake feeling. That time when I have just woken up from sleep, yet not really wide awake. I'm at my dreamiest best during that state of semi consciousness and I love that phase when I can feel myself slipping back to sleep.. Too much naa?

2. I love solitude and being on my own. Probably cuz I enjoy my company... buhahaha... so when that magical cocoon is ruptured, u better offer me something equally good ;)

3. I'm happiest when I'm surrounded by words, having a lovely conversation with a friend/ smtimes even a stranger, watching an inspiring or entertaining movie, discovering a beautiful song that I keep humming all the time, reading smthg that strikes a chord with me, digging into some delectable food and enjoying some 'me' time or writing my heart out. I live for these things.

4. Sometimes I break into uncontrollable fits of laughter for no apparent reason. And in most of the cases, it will be at an inappropriate place or time . For eg: prayer time in school or when the teacher has pulled me up for not doing my homework or when I'm travelling alone.

5. I was called "Doo doo" when I was a kid. Some people still call me that. Back then, I used to create a ruckus when somebody did that.

6. I'm extremely emotional. But when it comes to expressing my emotions, sometimes I overdo it and at other times underplay it. I can stay completely calm covering up my fears or put on a cheery smile and talk excitedly when I'm crying inside . Or I can let the whole world know that I'm angry, sad or scared. There is no middle ground for me.

7. I can come out of almost every awkward situation through giggles or straight talk.

8. I'm a detached-attached kinda person. Go figure!

9. I suck at technology. I'm always the last one to know about new gadgets.

10. I can be quite argumentative ( though I'm working very hard to get rid of it). But I can be a very good mediator when others fight. I'm the peacemaker!

I pass on the awards to lex, shades of grey. Thanks sansmerci once again!

Life lessons Learnt # 1 - Value yourself

I'm starting a series of posts titled ' Life Lessons Learnt'. These are from my own personal experiences or inputs I got from closely observing other's lives - whatever, it is purely my reflections. These won't teach you to take life by its horns, but will definitely make the journey less tumultous. In an ideal world, we just have to follow our heart. And our hearts tell us the best of things, if only we listened. I believe that the first person ( as in human) who comes to know when we err is ourselves. Others notice much later. Our conscience gives us the best advice. But unfortunately we don't live in an ideal world. Following our hearts can be naive and even invite trouble. In a selfish world, these lessons will come extremely handy. And these are just to remind myself when I forget them. And I'm just a novice. So your comments can be extremely useful to me. You can agree, disagree, criticise or compliment. Whatever it is, do feel free to express .You will never be judged. I will probably write other posts along with it.

Life lessons learnt # 1 - Value yourself

This is the most important lesson I learnt in life. You may have everything else in life, but inner happiness can stem from only valuing urself. Money, luxuries, love - nothing can get you happiness if you lack in self esteem. Absolutely no one will value a person who doesn't value himself. How can you expect someone to value you when you don't value yourself? Remember, everyone likes a pushover, but truly respect only one with some selfrespect. So bending backwards to accommodate an unreasonable friend, compromising your values to be in the good books of a boss and losing your individuality for a spouse is a strict No-N0. Well... life requires u to compromise. And there are many happy compromises as well, where u willingly give in to another. But wherever your deeply held beliefs are concerned, you should never budge. U may be tagged as stubborn. But it doesn't really matter as long as u are true to yourself. As the saying goes " It does not matter what others think about u. But what u think about urself matters a lot". So yes, value yourself and be the person you would respect.